Positive communication. That phrase gets thrown around a lot these days. Does it really make a difference in our lives? Well in my opinion yes, it really does. Words are one of the most powerful things man has ever created. Words are powerful wether words of love or war, of learning or abuse. Words (in my not very humble opinion) create at least 90% of the man made world and a 100% of our society. If you are awares of the law of vibration or the butterfly effect and relate that to words, then it is easy to see how words of negativity or positivity make a great a difference on our planet.
Internally positive communication also makes a big difference. We all know if we are negative with ourselves, our self esteem lowers. Life seems harder and more difficult to enjoy. However with positive thoughts the world is beautiful and so are we. Some consider constant positivity as fake. Well in a way it partly is. After all life is not sunshine, rainbows and peachy all of the time. (Thank goodness or we wouldn’t have opportunities to grow). The old fake it till you make principle does have to be applied to shift behaviour. However it is not fake to want to see and experience the best in life and change your language to reflect that. The bottom line is positive communication makes life more pleasant ,whether that is at work, at home or inside our heads.
Here are 5 simple things you can do to start using positive communication today.
Accept that your brain is stupid
Seriously it is. All of us have a dumb brain. even Mr Stephan Hawkins and the like. How on earth is that a positive thing? Well because the brain is so dumb it believes whatever you tell it. Physocological research has discovered that if you tell your brain something 5 times you belive it. The familiar = truth. Easy to understand = truth. So short and sweet affirmations e.g I love you, thank you for my life, and today is going to be a great day. Tell yourself NO loudly whenever your mind is trying to be negative make more of impact than prolonged debate in your head.
Take the power back
We all do it. We all can let our thoughts rule us. And why? We are the choreographers of our life. Who made that negative voice in your head the expert? No-one. So the next time it tries to tell you that you are not good enough to get that promotion, remember his voice has never been a CEO. And after that reverse the negative thought to a positive thought and take back the power inside of you!
I mean it. Really listen. 45% of our communication is actually listening. In HAvamal an ancient Viking text offering advice for life it says (something like) the wisest of men are the most silent and do not waste words. So make mental summaries of the conversation as you listen. Take an interest in the subject in discussion, make sure that the other person has finished talking before you answer or comment, as well give a well thought out answer. Even if you have to ask the other person to wait a moment while you give time to that answer. Remember it is actually okay to be silent too, sometimes other people just need to talk.
Be conscious of the language you use
Choose your words carefully. So often we speak negatively without noticing. Be conscious in how you use your language. For example instead of joining two sentences with a ‘but’, join them with an ‘and’ or ‘however’. But is a word our minds associate with an excuse, the other two words with taking responsibility, action and possibility. Another one I like to use is the word challenge instead of issue or problem. I use this so much I find that I sometimes flinch when others say these words. Making a problem into a challenge creates the mental image of something one can solve and overcome. And instead of saying you will try, say you will do your best, after all no-one can expect more from you.
Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.
You know the situation. Sitting at the dinner table talking to your partner. Their response is blithe or even sometimes harsh. Internally we feel hurt. We assume that it was their intention to hurt us. We come from a place of upset as we talk, the conversation digresses and an argument ensues. The poor confused partner has no idea what is happening and of course responds to the “unwarranted attack”. A recipe for a horrid evening. Assumption is seriously the mother of all fuck ups. Well instead of assuming ask. Say out loud the inner dialogue. Ask “Did you mean to say that in a hurtful way?” If your partner is anything like Mr T the response is usually something like “Oh no sorry. I was thinking about fish/ minecraft/a new bb gun” !
This works at home or at work. Take charge of the emotional response and allow yourself to ask if the situation really is how you read it.
And to help you remember it all ……….
Every day I read Gandhi’s statement about positivity. (Actually I can’t help but read it, it hangs opposite my toilet!)
Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Everyday Gandhi reminds me to be concious in my thoughts, words and deeds because they truely are the most powerful things I can offer to the world.
Positive communication takes dedication and concious practice at the beginning. Once you begin to use it daily,it does become easier and automatic. After all the brain (not you) is stupid and it will believe whatever you choose to tell it. You just have to decide if you want to tell it something positive or something negative !