Recently I watch a short video on Facebook about the Syrian ballet dancer Ahmad Joudeh, it is immensely powerful and inspiring. However one thing he said struck me on such a personal level
“It’s annoying when you past is attacking your mind when you are trying to build a new life.”
I could completely relate to this. Can’t you. All of us who are into living conscious lives and manifesting our dreams know the destructive and demobilizing power of the fears of our past. The hit hard and swift and take us completely out of ourselves, the moment and the focus. I used to get this a lot. In fact it was so strong that I would find myself reacting in the now to past events. For example if Mr T and I were arguing (and yes we do) I would actually be reacting to and ex partner’s behavior not his. It was scary.
So how to break the chain and stop those past events or fears taking over? Well it is not an overnight process and it takes a form of being completely honest with yourself and with the people closest in your life. However it is possible. You can keep those fear dragons in the past where they cannot burn you.
When the past comes knocking try these steps to send it on its way
Stop and breath
When you feel the fear or memory rising and reinforcing all of your negative thoughts then Stop! Breath. Don’t allow it to take over and start a negative spiral in your mind. Tell yourself this is from the past not from the now, This is not happening or true to who I am or where I am in my life right now.
Which drama is this?
A drama is a way of acting that has become an unconscious reaction and defense in certain situations, created from past events. Ask yourself what drama is this? Which drama is affecting my reactions right now? Mr T and I do this together and honestly from the minute we started our arguments have gone down to 10% of what they used to be, Now we discuss the emotions, the back story and then analyse the feelings in relation to the now events. It makes for a much more rational and cooperative communication and we both know each other so much better because of it. Of course if you are going to do this with someone you have to trust each other completely. There has to be an agreement that you will not use this information about each other against each other. It’s an important pact to get in place from the start. Looking and understanding your dramas is really therapeutic
Accept that your past is in your past
It’s over. Accept it. A healthy way to do this is to understand it. I can recommend both journaling and counselling here. Getting our emotions out of our body and sharing them with another person can give us objectivity. When you understand the root of something it is easier to accept it.
I know. This is the hard part. You need to forgive others and most importantly you need to forgive yourself. Forgiving frees you from the weight and power of the pain of the past. When you forgive you are in a different position. Not a victim. You stand in a place of power. Again here journaling is a great resource. It is best to do this after accepting so that you can understand why things happened to forgive them. Write a letter to you or whoever it is that hurt you and make your peace with them.
Let it go
When I met Mr T I was post bad break up and very angry. One of the first songs he sent me was the frozen let it go song. I hated him for it. Although today acknowledge that he was absolutely spot on in his musical advice. That was what I needed. Anthony Giddens theorized, that we become the stories we and other people tell about ourselves. It’s true. And for a long time I used to tell the stories of my past the homelessness, the domestic abuse and the reckless youth, until I realized that I wasn’t that person anymore. Yet I and everybody else thought I was because that was what I told them about myself. You’ve met those people right ? You know, the ones that tell about how their life was and how hard they had it. They are stuck. You have to tell a new story about yourself. One about you now. You are a different person.
See yourself in the now
Remind you how great you are now, how abundant your life is and the amazing person you are today. Bring yourself back to the know. A great way to do this is the gratitude list. I am thankful for………….. Or another powerful way is to write your own pep talk which reinforces your greatness
We can allow our past to be the monster in the closet or a closed chapter. It really is our choice. When we make our peace with it we free ourselves, tidy up inside and make space physically and mentally to open up for a future. So whenever the past tries to mess with your mind show it who is boss now and take a stand. Remember you write your story so make sure it is one you want to read
Enjoy your journey <3