#lifelessons101 – 3 Stages of recovery from heart ache

We have all been there. The love of our life walked out of the door, the unbreakable relationship broke and we are left with an aching heart in a confusing and disorientated world. (If you haven’t experienced this then be grateful and go and read something else on my blog!!) Heartache obviously is not just reserved for the ending of relationships; many experiences in life can lead us into the heartache state.

Recently I got asked is there anything that can help heartache. And the good news is, yes there is. I have a simple and effective 3 step recovery stage for those times where we feel like life will never be the same and we could never be happy again.  So if you world has crumbled around you and you can’t see the way out of your pain then try this recovery plan and take 3 positive steps to rebuilding your life the way you want it to be.

The Duvet Stage

This is the first stage. Slightly reminiscent of Bridget Jones post Daniel Cleever. At this stage you feel like crap and that is ok. You need to feel this low and plateau so you can come back up again. But don’t stay there too long. Give yourself a maximum of a week to indulge in your heartache. Build pillow forts, slob around in Pjs and eat what you want to eat, when you want to eat it; whilst watching films that will purge out the heartache in tears by the bucket load.

Dreaming a new life

Okay this is a slightly harder phase but it does get easier. Accept that whatever it was has happened. You can’t change the past just the future. Start this phase by cleaning your home ( you will probably need to after the duvet stage) and have a luxurious shower, pamper yourself. If you are going to start a new phase of your life you want to feel your best. Now get a pad and paper. If you have a list of old goals or a bucket list then grab those too cos it’s time to revamp them. Write a bucket list and a description of how you want your future to be and start visualizing some new goals. For more advice check out this article on goal setting. Dedicate some time to this another week should do it. Create a vision board and stick it right where you can see it everyday.


So all fired up it’s time to start the new phase of your life. And that meas you need to get outside of your home again. Plan some activities that you know you will like even if you don’t feel like enjoying yourself. Walks in the park, films, go to yoga, or even join an evening class. Plan things that are gonna keep you active. It’ great to see friends, but this does create the opportunity to get drawn into discussion about the heartache and at this stage you need to be occupied with fun not pain, You can be analysed by your friends and family later on when you are better equipped to deal with it. So tell them this and then ask them to join you in your fun adventures. Post pics of the memories you are creating on social media so you can see your funpacked life and feel good about it when your moods bring you down. One of the best things you can do is go and meet people that you didn’t know before. This means you don’t have to harp on about the past just concentrate on the now.


Obviously heartache won’t heal over 3 weeks. It takes time, and at a later stage you will need to process and learn from what has happened. The 3 steps are merely a way of motivating you forward and not letting heartache take over your life. Remember you choose your reactions in life and this is a way of choosing that will help you move forward positive and strong.

I hope this helps any  of you out there experiencing heartache right now. It will get better eventually. Follow the plan and once stage 3 is in motion you will find one day that you are smiling again.

Have a great weekend <3

little by little

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