Most of us have Mommy issues. Whether through trauma or a completely “normal” childhood, we all have some work that needs to be done to shift some emotional baggage that is connected to our relationship with our mothers. Our bond with our mother is like no other we will ever had. She is our original creator, nurturer and protector. This relationship is the template from which all our future relationships form. It also inspires our own role as a parent. Our relationship with our real and physical mother becomes the diagram for our inner Mother (or parent respectively). And as adults it is this inner Mother is the one we look to throughout our lives as a guideline. If we have a damaged relationship with her we have a damaged relationship to ourselves.
Last weekend during a workshop I had a strong teaching, in the workshop we were connecting with our inner natural wild woman dancing in different archetypal roles, the child, the lover and of course the the mother. I felt completely at home within my child and my lover, like to old friends I could love and embrace unconditionally. But the Mother. My reaction to this role was so strong and powerful. Within moments I began to cry, to grieve. Now to give you a little back story I lost a child in early pregnancy at 18 and since I am now unable to create children. This is a part of me that was so deep and raw. As I danced my grief at the loss of my child, my step children, the grief of arguments with my own mother as a teenager, I realised that it isn’t my inner child that needs healing. It’s my inner mother. Somewhere along the line in my life I have created an association with the role of Mother and pain. Now I don’t blame anyone for this, it is simply circumstances and my own reactions to them which have created a teaching, a life lesson given to me so that I can understand and evolve.
But how do you go about healing your inner Mother? Now this is a journey I have been on for a long time and honestly before last weekend I thought that it was kinda sorted out. However what I have learnt is that this is an ongoing process that never really ends, it just gets easier. If you want to immerse yourself fully in this process I would highly recommend checking our Bethany Webster’s website and courses (http://www.womboflight.com). I have found that this is a process that I return to, ebbing and flowing throughout my life. At each stage steps are taken, realisations are made and tears of healing are wept releasing me from deep pain and allowing me to grow from a deeper and richer place. Sometimes I will lightly scratch the surface of this issue, sometimes I will go deeply in. This healing (if to be done wholeheartedly) is not something you can do overnight or at a high pace, it has to be done slowly and without judgement of yourself.
Healing your inner mother is a process where you heal the mother you are to yourself. Through understanding, healing, releasing and learning that you become the stable foundation you need in your world. Healing this inner mother transforms our lives, understanding of yourself and empowers us. For some this is journey just for women but for me I see and understand it as something for both men and women for we both are created in a womb. Obviously that journey will be different however it is a journey of realigning the imbalances in our soul and that my friends is open for all.
If this article resonates with you then you may also be at the point where you are ready to heal your inner mother. This is a topic I will be returning to again and again as I learn I will share and hope that you will also share your stories with me. But for now I will leave you with the first 3 steps that I have taken on this path to healing my inner mother. Be brave. This is a journey of both dark and light from which you will emerge radiantly transformed.
Acceptance and compassion
At some point in time we have to accept that our mothers could and can only love ourselves as much as they can love themselves. As children we grow up thinking that the adults know it all. They are so sorted out. Then we become the adults and realise no-one has it all sorted out and everyone is doing the best they can. Think about how many people you know that have trouble loving themselves. Alot right? We all know that if you cannot love and accept yourself then you are limited in how much you can love someone else. Your Mother not being a fairy tale but a flesh and blood human being har her own stuff her own blockages that will have limited her love for you in some way. You may enjoy finding out your Mother’s story. Or taking what you know about her past, her traumas and identifying the challenges that she faced. Offer her empathy and compassion as you would want someone to treat you.
As you understand and identify the scars that need healing of your inner mother allow yourself to grieve freely. Grieve for the compensations you had to make, the suffering. Allow yourself to cry, to weep, to dance it out, sing it out, draw or write it out. Ans as you grieve acknowledge that this was not your fault. IT was not your fault that your relationship with your mother hurt you she was doing the best she could within her own challenges and burdens. Allow yourself to weep out the fear of having to be better to deserve love, comfort and support. You do not have to be better you are just right the way you are as is your Mother. Positive affirmations are a great help here. As are statements of understanding. Where you write a statement beginning with I understand for example” I understand that my Mother worked hard and was too tired when she came home to cuddle”, then read these out loud. Write your own affirmations and read these aloud to yourself everyday it will tell yourself that you are beautiful and lovable just as you are.
Whatever the circumstances of your relationship with your Mother she gave you one gift. The most important gift. The gift of life. Without that you wouldn’t be here to feel or even read this article. This gift is the greatest of all. And how often do we thank the person that gave us this gift. I try to make a point of doing it with both my parents. (My father finds it rather uncomfortable I think). With all its ups, downs and loop the loops I am so grateful to be alive and without my Mother I would not have this wonderful gift, for that I am grateful. You can write them a note, tell them or offer your gratitude in a prayer. It doesn’t matter what you believe in, regardless of whatever deity you believe gave you your life’s spark, it was your mother that carried you in her womb and birthed you into the world. Be grateful for that.
The hurts and pains we feel from our relationships with our mothers are in fact gifts and opportunities to connect with ourselves and love ourselves on the deepest authentic level.
By accepting your mother’s faults, allowing your grief and offering gratitude for life to your Mother you are offering these things to your inner mother. And so begin to accept and heal yourself. Be gentle with yourself on this journey.
Have a great week <3