Yesterday my world got shaken. And now I am sitting here in the after shock not knowing how to cope, my heart and mind a whirlwind of grief, saddness, guilt and loss.
Because yesterday I lost my best friend. My beloved cat Dougal.
Usually when I write my blog I talk to you guys about how to do this or how to do that. But today I don’t know how to deal with what I am feeling. How to fill the empty void his passing has left in my life.
As I sit here writing I wish I could hear him scratching at my office door just because he wanted to know I was there. Or see him lazing on his favourite sheep skin. Or jumping up on my lap as I try to write or talk with a client.
But those are things I will never see, hear or feel again.
And honestly I don’t know what to with myself. So I’m writing because that is the only way I have to process my emotions.
To some of you it might seem strange that I can have such feelings about an animal. He was just a pet, right?
Not for me.
He was my soul mate in a way no human could ever be. He got me. When I was sad or ill he would worry and not leave my side until I was ok again. He loved me so strongly I never felt alone. He knew when I needed peace, most of the time unless his bowl was empty; or when I needed cheering up. And all of this I took for granted until it was gone.
Those of you who have had a strong connection with an animal spirit know what I am talking about.
The words Mitaku Oyasin meaning all my relations and today more than ever I understand this on a deeper level. It comes from the Lakota language reflecting the world view of the interconnectedness of all life on this planet. And I think that for me not only was Dougal my constent companion he was my constent reminder of how we are all interconnected in this world.
The animals who we spend our lives with, whether we choose them or they choose us are some of our greatest teachers. Dougal was certainly one of mine.
He was my teacher in unconditional love, staying in the present, taking time to enjoy the small beautiful moments that life gives us. And in his passing he reminds me of these lessons.
Dougal simply taught me how to love in a way no human has ever taught me. And I am so very, very grateful for that lesson.
We often take the love of our animal companions for granted. But I see them, now, more than ever as guides. Guides in what it truly means to love. Teachers in how powerful love is. Teachers of the healing power of love. And companions who remind us every day that we are all related.
I wish I had the words to describe to you how beautiful a soul he was. Gentle. Caring. He was scared of everything. We used to call him our adhd/anxiety cat. And he trusted us completly. To keep him safe. And we did until that moment when his heart suddenly gave out.
I wish I had the words to explain to him how much I love him. I just have to trust he knew.
I wish I had words to give myself an understanding of why this happened? Why he died so young? He was only 4. But there is no explination.
It is what it is.
Queen Elizabeth said that “Grief is the price we pay for love”
And for me those words have never been truer. And although I will never forget him and I doubt I will stop missing him. It is a price I was willing pay to have had the experience of such a strong connection to another soul in another species.
I’m just taking one day at a time, who am I kidding I am just trying to take it one moment at a time right now
And as I am writing this I want to honour his memory in my thoughts, deeds actions and in the way I choose to love and be in the world. Simply. Powerfully. In the moment. Bravely and Unconditionally. And above all bring joy with caring.
That is a life worth living. And yes a Cat taught me all that.
We buried him in a beautiful place and said our farewells at sunset. And above his grave we planted wildflowers so he can still bring his beauty to the world.
Because that really was the most beautiful thing about Dougal was that he made the world just that little bit more beautiful for us.
And taught us the joy of the great beauty in the smallest of moments.
To have had that even in my grief I feel truly, truly blessed to have share the past 4 years with him.
Journey well my baby until we meet again.
I love you Always,
P.s Thank you for letting me share. And if you have experienced the same kind of loss my heart goes out to you and I send you so much love.