PEOPLE WHEN YOU NEED THEM THE MOST. WALT DISNEY’S FAILURE TO SUCCESS STORY (4 MIN READ)

“If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again” Although I am not comfortable with the word try, this little rhyme has stayed with me all my life. I have a feeling I heard it first when starting to tie my shoelaces, but I digress. It can be challenging to pick yourself up and try again when something you really want or have worked for, doesn’t go your way. When in this situation I know one thing. Whatever we were doing was not the way we should have been doing it. The universe is giving us a sign. However it’s not giving us a sign to give up, just to change tactics.

It’s a times like this when we need inspiration to go on. And who better to inspire us than successful people that have been in the same situation. This article is part of a series about people who inspire me, and I hope will inspire you during the times when you most need it.

Today’s inspiring person is Walt Disney. I recently watched the film Walt before Disney. I can highly recommend it. Before watching it I honestly had no idea how Disney struggled to create the magical empire the Disney family owns today. Here is the Disney story as I understand it. One of  serious dedication and hard work to create a dream and it all eventually paid off….

Walt was actually fired from his first illustration work for “not being creative enough”. Despite this Walt went on and first set up his own animation company in 1921 Laugh-O-Grams the company lasted for 3 years and then went bankrupt at one point Walt couldn’t pay rent and ate dog food to survive. Even with this failure he pooled all the money he had with his brother and they moved to Florida starting the Disney Brother Company. Walt created a character called Oswald the Rabbit and for a short period experienced success until Charles Minz stole not only the rights to Oswald but also Walt’s animators.

Not deterred Walt immediately produced 3 short films. These were the first of the Mickey Mouse animations. But when approaching MGM he was told the idea wouldn’t work as giant mouse on screen would scare women! Somewhere around this point in his life  Walt actually suffered a major breakdown. However he persevered and Steamboat Willie the first of the Mickey’s with a voice (actually Walt’s voice) became huge success.

People often think this was the start of Walt’s success however Disney’s road to success was never a smooth as that. His well known 3 Little Pigs was rejected by distributors because it only had 4 characters. Walt lost a million dollars on Pinocchio. Pollyanna failed at the box office. After WW2 Disney was in debt by $4 million.

Walt still had a dream and that was Disneyland. In order to finance it Walt took Disney to television. Even when Disneyland opened he faced challenges, forged tickets were bringing thousands of people into the park without his knowledge. The newly poured asphalt melted the heels of women, and a plumber’s strike kept drinking fountains from being installed in time.  Walt insisted on creating a high level of customer service despite the costs and eventually he succeeded creating theme parks all over America.  And still holds the record for the most oscars won by one person.

So beyond all that disappointment and learning came fantastic success. Walt would say, “Get a good idea, and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it’s done, and done right.” In picking himself up and in learning from his mistakes and moved on. He said: “To some people, I am kind of a Merlin who takes lots of crazy chances, but rarely makes mistakes. I’ve made some bad ones, but, fortunately, the successes have come along fast enough to cover up the mistakes. When you go to bat as many times as I do. you’re bound to get a good average.”

So what can we learn from Walt Disney?

  • Do you allow failure to stop you?
  • Do you learn from your mistakes?
  • When you get knocked down do you get up again?

Walt Disney was just a normal man who had a dream and preserved against all of the odds to make that dream a reality. And so can we if we keep moving forwards, learning and trying and trying until we succeed. After all as Walt himself said “If you can dream it you can do it.”

So if you fail this week, brush your self down, pick yourself and keep working for your dreams – You’ll get there.

I believe in you

Love Emma-Jane <3

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#lifelessons101 – How to ask for help – reaching out to your community

We often hear in the news today that people are more isolated and that community spirit is something of the past.  People often blame overpopulation, the rise of crime and the classic – social media.

However, while all of these obviously important, I have another suggestion. It is my belief that we have simply stopped reaching out for help. That may seem strange. The idea of the breakdown of community because we don’t ask for help is not a traditional idea. However community has been supporting each other, helping each other since the dawn of time.

We know from research that our long gone ancestors lived as tribes. And why? Because with one pair of hands we simply could not do everything we needed to survive. We needed both hunter and gatherers. As we developed farming we needed a community to bring the harvest in. Imagine trying to build a house alone, it would be near on impossible. Not to mention work would go a lot slower if you had to keep stopping to make your own cups of tea!  

So why is it today are we has such as issue reaching out for help?

Garret Keizer, author of “Help: The Original Human Dilemma” (HarperCollins, 2004) said

“There is a tendency to act as if it’s a deficiency,”. The most common factor why people don’t like to ask for help today is that we are either worried about people judging them or because we feel incompetent if we can’t do it alone. Another reason is that we often move away from our established communities and we stop making new friends. Are the old classic is that we are too proud.

The challenge is that seeing asking for help as somehow making us less or being seen as less, is a destructive pathway. At work it can lead to us not getting that promotion because we don’t get any better at what we do. At home it can lead to building us feelings of resentment and frustration which can in turn lead to the breakdown of a relationship.  At school we might fail exams because we didn’t want to explain that we didn’t understand. And in extreme cases it can lead to drastic consequences of self harm when we don’t reach out in times of extreme psychological demise. Just think back for a moment. There will be a negative situation in your past that could have been easily solved just by asking for help.

I am lucky in that I am not a person who has difficulty in asking for help. Having moved countless times in my adult life, having lived on the streets a few times and now living in a completely different country leaving my communities behind and building a new one has become one of the most important tools I have in my arsenal for helping me get the best out of life.

Nancy Astor once said “I have always relied of the kindness of strangers” and I adopted it as my mantra at an early age. I have been so lucky to have met so many amazing people who have helped me in one way or another throughout my life. And I am forever grateful. As I write I am awaiting a wonderful team of 18 amazing people who are coming to help us this weekend dig out our vegetable garden and help us manage the huge garden we have that we simply cannot manage on our own. (We in turn are feeding and watering them and giving them the opportunity to learn to plant dye.) However, I wouldn’t have their help if I hadn’t searched for the people and simply asked.

The most important thing I have learnt about asking is not only that if you don’t ask, you don’t get (another of my Mum’s pearls of wisdom) but that if you as you also have to give. Many of my clients who struggle with asking for help forget that people do actually like to help people. It is one of the bonuses of giving help. People like to feel needed. They also like to feel appreciated. The thank you note, the return favor or the little surprise gift goes a long way to building the bonds of community and friendship. If give as well as asking, it makes the ask easier and the results so much more powerful.

However, I do realised that many of you do not find this as easy as I do.  And although you haven’t asked for my help I would like to do just that and give you a few tips to help you get started:

  • Identify what help you need. And then look at your network and find out who is best suited for the job. If you have to keep off your feet would it be best to ask your scatty best friend or your neatfreak sister to help you clean the house.  Does the person you are asking have the life experience and the skills for the job?
  • Have a think about how you could help them. Don’t offer it as a trade when you ask for their help but keeping it there in the back of your mind and look for an opportunity to give back when you can.
  • Don’t forget to rely less on the obvious people. When seeking a doctor, for example, do not just ask your friends, but go to a nearby gym and ask who the athletes see. Personally whenever I move to a new place I always visit the tourist information. They always seem to be able to help if others can’t when finding the info I need.
  • When asking be straightforward and honest.  Ask in specific terms.
  • Bypass phone calls or e-mail messages if at all possible and make your request in person.
  • Don’t feel bad if they can’t help. It’s not personal (99% of the time) the other person just can’t help you right now. Maybe they will know someone who can.
  • Say thank you when the agreement is struck, when the need has been met and when you next see the person who helped you.
  • Look for opportunities to help other people, not just the ones who have helped you. Paying it forward is a great way to spread the love around. I was lucky enough at one point in my life to have a friend who emptied her cupboards of all food she didn’t need when she found out I didn’t have enough money for food. 10 years later I was able to help somebody else in a similar situation. What goes around comes around.

Helping each other out is a great way to build community. Communal success is a team building and bonding experience. When we all roll up our sleeves and pitch in the accomplishments are shared. So weather its a study group, a project with a deadline that seems overwhelming, a mental health issue that is overwhelming or simply building a garden; when you reach out for help you are also allowing people the opportunity to share in your success. You are not just asking you are also giving!

Have a great weekend <3

#lifelessons101 The best Summer book list to inspire your personal development

With all of the endless hours on the beach, travelling and time to yourself moments you may want to use these to inspire your personal growth. After all no point in time is better to create powerful new habits when you are feeling relaxed recharged and have time on your hands.

Here is my Summer book list for 2018 to inspire you in the sun:

The Happiness Project

– Gretchen Rubin’s year-long search for happiness. Great tips in an easily relatable emotional journey for anyone who has tried to change their life.

https://gretchenrubin.com/books/the-happiness-project/about-the-book/

Eat Pray Love

Prepare yourself for a roller coaster of emotions, insights, tears and laughter. A beautiful, brave and honest story.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19501.Eat_Pray_Love

The Celestine Prophecy

A spiritual quest chasing the 9 insights of the Celestine prophecies before they are destroyed forever. Thought provoking, prepare to think differently afterwards.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13103.The_Celestine_Prophecy

The Magic of Thinking Big

Powerful secrets of success. Accessible and easy to read. Lots of great ideas to take away for you to practice every day

https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Thinking-Big-David-Schwartz/dp/0671646788

The Miracle Morning

Hal Elrod created this powerful system which I can personally guarantee will make an insanely powerful difference in your life. What better time than summer to put new habits into practice that will change your life.

https://www.miraclemorning.com/

The Book of Joy

To of the worlds most inspirational me coming together to share stories of finding joy even in the darkest of times.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29496453-the-book-of-joy

Chicken soup for the soul

For feel-good factor, heartwarming inspiration this is the ultimate book. Prepare to love the world more after reading this

http://www.chickensoup.com/

Have a lovely summer <3

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Lengthen your day with time management

Finally, the days are getting longer. The sun is shining and our spirits are lifted. However, for some, life still feels like a constant treadmill of never-ending tasks. There is never enough time to do all you need to do let alone, to do want to do. You can relate I’m sure. I have had many clients in the last few weeks who feel this way. They all want to be more productive. To step off the treadmill and feel energized and most of all have time to spare. The impossible dream right? Wrong!

The simple fact is that either the day runs you, or you run your day. If you want to have more time you need to be the boss of your day. And that means a structure, routines, and planning. I can feel some of you out there cringing. The idea of following a structure seems unnatural and constricting. However, I promise you that by consciously structuring your life and building routines you will actually free yourself up and give yourself even more time. Now I can also hear some of you saying I don’t have time to sit down and plan my day, week or month. To you, I say you these few minutes a day will give you more time than you thought possible.

Time management is one of the most common challenges I solve with coaching. And one of the things to keep in mind is that there is no one fix formula that works for everyone. We are all different and therefore we need different systems. Some of us like to keep things regimented, some like more flexibility. Some people have a system but don’t know how to prioritize. Some people just need a regular routine. If you want more time I have a sure-fire strategy that will help you to approach the challenge of lengthening your day and creating more time for yourself in only 6 weeks. And why 6 weeks I hear you ask? Because to make the long-lasting change, you need to make strong foundations. 6 weeks gives you enough time to find out what works for you and how to fit it into your life. Here is the 6-week strategy to get you started.

Lengthen your day 6 week  strategy

Week 1: Create some routines

Have a look at your week. Write it down, What tasks do you have to do every week. How often do you do these things now and how often do you have to do them? If you shop for food every day, could you cut it down to 3 times a week or once a week? Can you do your washing in one day or two? Do you really have to hoover daily or can you do this once a week? Does it take time to decide what to make for dinner? Can you make a food plan or pre-make the weeks food on a Sunday? Make a week scheme for your weekly tasks. Put this somewhere you can see it and try it out. You may find you need to play with it a bit over the next few weeks to make it fit in a natural way but keep going. Routines save so much time. Keep this habit routine for the full 6 weeks.

Week 2: To do lists

Each morning at breakfast make a todo list. (Personally, I find it helpful to make a weekly to-do list just so I have a place to store all the things I have to remember and then I make my daily lists from this). Don’t overbook yourself. 3 to 5 things to start off with is fine. Don’t worry if you don’t get everything done. 70% achieved is perfect anything above that is a bonus. If you only manage one thing then check in with yourself. Do you need a break?

I highly recommend prioritizing your task load. Using a system such as ABCDF (see Step 4) or the Spoons theory (This is a system for people with mental health issues that ANYONE can use, just create your own spoons system). Both are great ways to check in with your time and energy. And use it productively.  

Week 3 and 4:  Try a time management technique

There are lots of great systems to help you manage your time. Choose one of the following and do it for two weeks. People say 14 days is enough time to create a new habit. I say it’s enough time to try out a new habit and see if you like it or not. Review the system you chose. Does it work? Can you tweak it to make it fit your life better? Or does it simply not work for you?

Time blockinghttps://justagirlandherblog.com/how-i-organized-my-whole-life/ (Some of my clients like to block the hours to specific tasks others like to use colors to block out the day and then choose their tasks)

Todist aphttps://en.todoist.com/app?lang=en (I love this app, it has improved my efficiency 100%)

Do it tomorrow – Try Mark Foster’s simple and effective system https://www.time-management-success.com/how-to-improve-time-management.html

Zen to Done– a habit changing, flexible system

https://zenhabits.net/zen-to-done-ztd-the-ultimate-simple-productivity-system/

 

Week 5 to 6: Try another time management technique

So if you have found a way to tweak last weeks system then try out the new version. If it hasn’t worked for you then try a different technique. Don’t forget to review it. By now your routine will be formed and you will have better prioritizing skills. You may find that that is enough for you to have more time. You may find that you really benefit from using a specific system.


Now all you have to do is continue the great habits you have formed in the last few weeks and enjoy the extra time you have on your hands and do something you really want to do. Or alternatively kick back relax and do nothing at all!  Tune in on Friday for this weeks #lifelesson101 with tried and tested tips and tricks for easing into healthy time management and creating the time you want!

Have a great week <3

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#Lifelessons101 – Hygge – the art of making your life lovelier

7 years and 1 month ago I relocated my life The art of making life lovelierto Denmark. The reasons why and how it all happened are long enough to fill their own book so I won’t tell you that story today. Today I want to tell you about one of the most important life lessons I have learnt by living in this lovely, flat, cold, expensive country and that is hygge. (pronounced huoo-gah)

Hygge is (well until recently), the Danish cultural pearl hidden in the oyster. It is a word that does not translate into any other language, yet every country in the world could benefit from. Let me explain. Hygge is not a thing, its a feeling. It’s that feeling you get inside you when it’s raining outside, the fires is lit, you’re on the sofa under a duvet with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book. Hygge is the feeling you get when you are sitting having a meal with friends or family where everyone is laughing and just enjoying being together. Hygge is a feeling of happiness, contentment, and cosiness all rolled into one. In my definition Hygge is  simply the art of making life lovelier.

And the Danes do this all the time. In Denmark it is a cultural must to “hygge”, it would be weird if you didn’t. I remember in my first few weeks in Denmark when watching a film, my then boyfriend (who later turned out be Mr ‘never going to be perfect in a million years’ but at this time was still sweet and new) actually said to me “why aren’t you making effort to sit well and be cosy?” My english ‘I’m perfectly well thank you very much’ drama kicked in. However when I look back over this incident 7 years later I can see that he was just trying to get me to feel hygge.(I expect this clash of cultures confused the poor guy as much as it did me.)

Making life lovelier for yourself, having moments that are lovely and cosy are a seriously important social norm in Demark. As is making time for enjoying the benefits that joyful moments can bring in our everyday. Who doesn’t want a piece of that? I mean just think for a moment about where you are in the world and imagine, how different your life would be in everyone you know made making life lovelier for themselves and sharing lovely moments with each other an important social norm? See? Wow. You can see why I stayed here right? In essence the Danes have done what no other country in the world has done. Which is making the art of loving ourselves enough to make our lives lovier, as well as, enjoying simple moments of contentment a cultural norm. See and you thought it was only lurpak and bacon, the danes are culturally geniuses!

By now you are probably thinking about checking out flight prices and investing in moving boxes however, just hold your horses a moment. Hygge is something you can do right now. Right where you are. And if you share this article around with friends and family you can start to build the same cultural norm of hygge we have here. So today’s life lesson comes to you straight from my 7 danish years of learning how to hygge. I hope that you use these tips to make your life lovelier too….

Candles

Candlelight has a magical quality to it. No matter what you are doing lighting candles always changes the atmosphere. Before I moved to Denmark I would have probably described lighting candles as a female activity yet here that is not the case. Both men and women will light candles to create hygge. Especially now in the winter evenings when we light our candles at home it brings an instant feeling of inner warmth and cosiness (even when the electric lights are on). The candle light changes our environment and our mood.

A big part of hygge is about making your environment more cosy. Making it a nicer place to be.  And it doesn’t just have to be adding candle light. For example when I work I play music suited to the task at hand. And recently I found that by adding aromatherapy oils (such as lavender and mimosa) into my cleaning products that my weekly house clean became a much nicer experience.  So if you are doing something, and you want to make your experience nicer put some thought and action into how you can do that, and you will find you can have hygge even if you are just cleaning the toilet!

Pillow fort rituals  

Every friday night in Denmark at six forty-five pm you will find a flurry of pillow forts being built and bowls being filled with snacks, as the children (and often their parents) get ready for the the Disney show.  (I know if you are a danish reader you are now smiling because at some point in your life you did this too). The Disney show with friday night ‘slik’ (candy) is a time honored tradition in Danish culture. Now although thanks to the Disney Co you can find a disney show in almost any country, it doesn’t specifically need to be a disney show ritual you have to create in order to experience ‘hygge’. It is the ritual part that is important.

Creating something you do together the same way, at a regular time is a way to have hygge. Every friday night Mr T and I have date night. We make nice food (if our date is at home), we pre arrange whether we will seeing a movie, playing a game or doing crafts (currently I am teaching him how to tattoo!) It starts at 6pm every friday and it is lovely. A gentle and cosy start to our weekend every week.  A weekly ritual (or monthly if weekly is too much, together with your family or closest friends) gives a comfortable feeling of hygge . Oh and take a tip from the Danes and build a pillow fort once in a while, everything in life is more cosy in a pillow fort no matter what your age!

Snuggling

By now most of the world is familiar with the Ikea catalogues. Scandinavian design flat packed to every corner of the world. But have you ever noticed all the blankets and throw cushions on those glossy pages? They are everywhere. And we the non scandinavian parts of the world have adopted these blankets and cushions into our own homes. The difference is we don’t use them like the Danes. Every Danish home has blankets and throw cushions. However these get used constantly. All those stylish cushions get moved around, blankets are draped over shoulders and legs to improve the quality of snuggling and relaxing.
Snuggling is a big part of hygge and a big cultural norm in Denmark. As an ex teacher from the UK I got a huge shock the first time I walked into a Danish primary school staff room filled with sofas, cushions and blankets and  2 teachers with their feet up, catching 20 mins shut eye and EVERYONE was ok with it. Completely alien to English cultural work values. But over the months I was working there I found it was so great to do the same. Group snuggling is also something that is a cultural norm over here. Now being British (and from a certain type of british family) I had never laid down and cuddled with my girlfriends while watching a film. Yet here it is completely normal for girls and guys, women and men to do this. (And it is without romance this is just normal friendship). It’s for want of a better word awesome. For the full danish experience of hygge cuddle down with a warm cup of something, covered in a blanket and cosy with a pile of cushions and see how your internal smile starts to grow.

The eating experience

Untitled design (8).jpgEating and hygge go hand in hand. Snacks in bowls, coffee with cake. However none of those compare to the big danish eating together hygge experience. The whole family/group of friends gets together to eat and enjoy time together. Instead of one stressed out person creating all the food and activity. In Danmark collectively everyone helps in the kitchen, lays the table, washes up and is part of creating the experience. Everyone pitches in. It’s like Christmas dinner or thanksgiving but without the holiday as an excuse for getting together and enjoying each others company.  

Nothing says hygge like doing things together instead of alone. So if you want to feel a massive burst of hygge invite your friends over for a co creative dinner or lunch. Make the food together, eat the food together and enjoy each other.

Active hygge

Have a hyggelig weekend (1)Although a big part of it hygge is not all eating and blankets and snuggling. Having hygge can also be active. Going for walks, bike rides, having a day trip or even just regularly training at the gym with a friend also constitutes as hygge. Although more often seen as hyggeligt (adjective of the noun hygge pronounced hoo-ga-lee) when done with someone else,  doing things alone, just because it’s lovely, is also seen as ‘hyggelig’. In Danish you can say Jeg hygge mig (I cosy me). So if you want to hygge you then getting out and doing something you love is exactly the right thing to do.

Self pampering is all good

One of the things I love about a culture that prizes hygge is that self pampering is completely socially acceptable. Basically loving yourself is all the rage. Doing hyggelig things for yourself is healthy and improves life quality 100%. So to create more hygge in your life practise some self love and some self pampering. For me this often comes in the form of saunas and facemasks (both easily accessible where I live). Find out the little things you can do easily to pamper yourself and make it important to do them will bring more hygge into your life.

Notice what is not hyggelig and what is hyggelig

Noticing what is hyggelig and what isn’t hyggelig is an important part of making your life lovelier.  Noticing that what you are doing isn’t hyggelig for you, and then doing something to make it hyggelig, is half the battle of learning the art of hygge. (I refer again to the cleaning the toilets comment above).  And at the same time noticing what is hyggelig, and appreciating it makes hygge much more effective in your life. The Danes often say “hvor hyggeligt”, or “how cosy”, when you tell them a story about something you did. They make the point of verbalising that a thing was in fact hyggelig and this makes them notice the good things in life. In other words practising active gratitude makes your life a lovelier place to be.

Making time for hygge

Now this is the BIG one, and is the fine art the Danes have really got down. They make time for hygge. If you asked a Danish person to imagine a life without time for hygge I honestly think their brain would implode. It simply would not make sense to them. And I completely agree. A life where you don’t make time to enjoy being cosy or make time to appreciate and be content with simple pleasures, is not a life well lived (in my opinion). Everyone needs hygge. Make hygge important for you and make time to enjoy it.

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Hygge is an amazing daily practise I have learnt from the Danes. By actively making life more hyggelig for myself I make loving myself, and infact loving my life and my journey in life, more important. If we all did this. If we created this socially accepted culture of self love and creating moments of cosy contentment in life imagine what a world this would be to live in. All it takes is taking a moment to hygge and valuing the gift of a lovelier life that brings.

I hope you take some time to hygge you today….

Happy weekend <3

Have a hyggelig weekend

The 7 steps to Self love – the key to building a relationship with yourself.

By now we all know that we need to love ourselves. After the initial pioneering work of self development gurus like Louise Hay, ‘self love’ has become a buzzword. When life gets tough well meaning friends, family and even (some) therapist throw it around willy nilly. “You need to practice self love”, “you can’t expect someone to love you until you love yourself”, “I need to take care and love myself more”. You have all heard these phrases. And although there is alot of truth and good intention in them without truly knowing how to practice self love then they are about as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

In the past year I have been really working on self-love. I have been battling my demons, putting my needs first, journalling, working with my inner child and of course pampering myself whenever I really needed it.  It’s an in depth journey and is one that constantly evolves, reshapes itself and is a continuous lifelong process. During this journey I have had some realisations about the process of practicing self love, that no-one has ever told me about. It surprised me when I began to experience it that when we work towards achieving self love we actually have to go through a period similar to grieving, followed by a choice to honour yourself building up to the place of a strong and loving center.  I have found that to really go in depth, to close the doors on patterns of self loathing and to arrive at the so advertised zen like state of acceptance and truly loving yourself there are 7 stages we need to go through.  (A guide if you like to the emotional roller coaster you begin to ride when you truly set out to love yourself.)  

Now I am not finished with my journey of self love (not by a long shot). However I feel as though I have cracked the key to creating a conscious relationship with myself coming from a place of self love. So if you have heard or thought recently, that it maybe that self love is the key to your healing follow my guide to self love and take the steps towards building a strong loving relationship with yourself. Oh and I highly recommend you get a notebook for this journey, you will want to look back through your thoughts and reflections during this journey.

Finding and facing your demons

What is it about yourself that makes you not love yourself? In you there will be somewhere negative patterns of behaviour, ways in which you talk yourself down. In order to do something about these you first need to understand them. Also you need to understand where these feelings and habits come from.  Often if you can find the root you will find it easier to know how to change this pattern or behavior. Brainstorm all the qualities you don’t like about yourself and then through journaling identify where your negative perspective comes from.  As an example I have a drama or overwhelming feeling that I am not good enough, it comes from my childhood my parents rows and pressure to be academically better than I was. See where these demons come from in you.

This stage can be hard to do alone. It maybe easier to call in a counsellor, life coach or psychologist to support you. Facing our demons will have a powerful effect on you so call in a support network to take care of you in this part of your journey.

Grief

It can be hard to see your demons. I find that as something pops up in my journey of self love, it brings with it sadness. It brings grief right to the surface when I can see where it came from. This is normal and natural. Often things we don’t like about yourself come from a place of hurt or shame. And facing them seeing them for what they truly are hurts.  Allowing yourself to grieve. allows you to release the hurt, the shame and the negative association you have. In a way your grief is the loss of something you didn’t have. The loss of what could have been, the guilt of how you could have done things differently. You have to let go of this in order to move forwards so cry it out, talk it out and please write it out. Writing out our sadness is a cathartic healing process. It stops your head an heart filling up with your grief. So write, write, write.

Anger

Just as in in any process of acceptance after the sadness anger often bubbles up inside us. It’s normal. It’s healthy. And like the sadness it needs to be worked through. One of my biggest challenges with self love had created a lot of anger in myself and it wasn’t until I figured out that actually I could have had help with the situation that my anger rose and release.

Express your anger. Write it out. Go somewhere far away from anyone in the woods and shout it out. If you can’t find a place to go and are scared to shout incase you upset neighbours or housemates then grab a pillow and scream your anger out into that.

Forgiveness

Eventually if you are going to love yourself you have to forgive. Just as in any relationship when there has been an argument you have to be able to forgive to heal. Forgiveness is not easy and it takes practise. I find writing yourself a letter of forgiveness a powerful tool.

Also the Hawaiian practise of Hooponopono, is a powerful practice of forgiveness There are four simple steps to this method, and the order is not that important. Repentance, Forgiveness, Gratitude and Love are the only forces at work – but these forces have amazing power. Simply repeating again and again:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you.

You can read more about Hooponopono here.

Acceptance 

Yes things could have been different. The things that created the hurt, the feelings of guilt, shame or even the frustration at a diagnosis you have could have been different. Your body could be thinner, your face different. However they are not. Things are as they are. Acceptance is simply that accepting things as they are. Not judging. Not trying to improve. Just simply as they are. Acceptance is the art of moving from feeling happy to being happy.

Making something meaningful can help with acceptance. By this I mean look for the teaching. What is the thing that it teaches you?

Acceptance is the practise of letting go. And in order to love truly we have to let go the past behaviours and negative thought patterns or treatment of ourselves. By letting go and accepting you will free up space within you that you can fill with self love.
Honouring is the start of self love

Honour yourself. How would you treat someone you love? That is how you need to treat yourself. When you feel yourself mentally beating yourself up or wearing yourself down ask yourself is that how I would treat my partner, my friend, my child? If not then why are you doing it to yourself. Your relationship with you is the most important relationship you will ever have, cultivate it as you would a relationship as someone you love.

Appreciate yourself and what you have. This is a great way to honour yourself from a place of self love. Write a list every morning of ten things you’re grateful for, you’ll start feeling more love and appreciation for yourself.

Becoming your rock

If you, like me, are a huge fan of the book Eat, Love, Pray there is a moment in the story where her internal self promises to be there for her. To always be there for her. To love her unconditionally. To be her strength. It is beautiful and true. We often look for security outside ourselves and yet here we are always there and waiting to be trusted enough to be relied upon. Allowing yourself to live from a place of integrity, living your truth and being honest with yourself will allow you to see how strong you are. You are enough. You can trust yourself to guide yourself. So live in according to your principles and you will see how strong you are.

Kindness and caring

Be kind with yourself and care for yourself. One of the greatest ways to do this is to speak to yourself kindly. Become more aware of your harmful negative internal voices and gently set them aside. Thank them for raising concerns, but let them know you’ll do just fine without them. Be aware of how you treat your body do you take care of it ? Do you allow yourself rest? Do you set boundaries as to how other people treat you? Stand up for yourself, respect yourself and be nice to you. After all if you treat yourself well it stands to reason that others will do too.

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As I said earlier I am not finished with my journey of self love. And in a way I never will be. Nor will you. Loving ourselves is a lifelong mission. ANd is one of the most important missions we will ever have. Being conscious around creating self love and building a healthy loving relationship with ourselves is the most important gift we can give ourselves. It builds a strong foundation for everything in our lives be it career, family or a lover. It is never too late to start a journey of self love, to give yourself the gift of the most loving, supportive friend and guide who will always be with you every day of your life.

Let us love ourselves so fiercely

 

Have a beautiful week and enjoy your journey <3

#lifelessons101: Motivation, manifestation, determination, a free umbrella and a slice of pie!

I have had a crazy week. There have been two intense events that although were the complete opposite of each, other have gifted me with the motivation and inspiration to expand my business, and reach my goals (oh and given me a free umbrella and a piece of pie). These experiences really brought home to me the power of choosing how I react to a situation has an effect on my motivation, my determination and my ability to manifest that I want to share with you today

The first event was the most empowering experience of landing a big contract for my business. It’s an exciting project with lots of possibilities. The people I will be working with get exactly where I am coming from, love the skills I can bring to them with my coaching and are so on board its energising!  (Thank you universe for that gift) I left that meeting on top of the world, even though it was chucking down with rain and I was dressed for success not the weather meaning I was getting soaked to the skin (Or rather I would have done is a kind stranger had not offered me an umbrella – I kid you not) I was on cloud nine.  I had a heck of a time after that meeting trying to get to where I needed to be by public transport and buy a  new laptop. With the rain and the cold and the frustration I could have easily manifested a foul temper. But every challenge I met I shrugged off and just focused on manifesting what I needed when I needed it. And guess what it worked. It was an amazing day with so many successes and small perfect moments, I was so motivated by everything and everyone I met.

The second event was so different from the first. The day after getting my new contract I went to a local business networking session, where experienced business men and women give advice to the younger entrepreneur crowd. It was the first time I  had attended such an event locally. I was really excited, hoping for some real motivation and insight into how to grow my company further. I was so not prepared for the reality. They didn’t get it. They had no idea what life coaching means. The concept was dead on them and I was treated as some strange and slightly foolish person at the party that no one knows how to talk to. Ugh. I hated it and wanted to get away as quickly as I could. I didn’t. I stuck it out. And as I heard them talking to another young entrepreneur enthusing about her business I felt frustrated and angry. However I realise that I was simply taking on board their misguided vision of me, I knew I didn’t need to believe their opinions of me. I have already proved only the day before that what I offer is a valid and needed service. As they talked an idea began to form, a new potential way of meeting clients. And in bouncing the idea around with the only person in the room, who seemed to have a vague idea of what coaching is, (or at least was willing to talk with me) I found a way not only to create new clients, but also created a way for him to understand better what I could do and begin to suggest opportunities for development.

I left that meeting, again in the rain and this time down hearted. It was definitely colder than the day before. I realised Mr T had my wallet and it was hours until I was heading home. I could have ended up crying in my duvet if I had chosen that path. However those unfriendly, stick in the mud businessmen had got under my skin and made me angry. Angry enough to want to prove them wrong. I found a way to get a smoothie and pie and free wifi without my wallet, (thanks to a lovely young business woman and her fantabulous cafe) and then I sat down immediately to start fixing the bugs in my business presentation. A few hours later and after a hilarious evenings belly dance class (highly recommended for improving anyone’s mood) I felt just as motivated by the failure of the day as I had by the success of the day before.

 

So what are the life lessons I learnt here? Well honestly it’s taught me a few things about motivation, determination and manifestation.

Motivation

You get motivated by how you choose to respond to something. Outside energy is a part of motivation regardless of whether that energy is a positive or negative input it is the catalyst for your motivation. However it is you and your choice of action that turns that catalyst from a thing to the motivation.

Determination

If you can keep your determination, push through the idiots scorn, the cold of the rain or the frustration of a missing wallet you can change and achieve anything you want to.

Manifestation

Keep the goal clear and send it out into the world. If you need help to create it ask. You have to be willing to dare, to fight for it if need be. Even when no-one in the room understands you if you have a clear vision and the willingness to find a way to create it then you can manifest anything you can dream of.

 

So in essence you have the power! We have the power! I would love to be able to tell you a happy hollywoodesque ending of this tale. That the person I spoke to at the networking session emailed me with an amazing opportunity. It would make the story end so neatly. However it’s only been 24 hours since event 2 and as yet there is no more to add to the tale. Except that I am more motivated than I have ever been before. I am more determined to succeed and I know if you keep watching this space you will see as I manifest in reality my dreams of being a successful life coach and helping many, many people to Re:Root within themselves and their lives as well as manifesting the occasional slice of pie!

Have a great weekend!

#enjoyyourjourney

 

 

 

 

 

Lifelessons101 – How to be a positive person in 6 easy steps

We all have that one person in our network. The complainer. The pessimist. The person you can spend 5 minutes around and feel stressed and worn out just by listening to them. There are people in this world who just live in the negative. I have one in my life and recently after a long conversation with them I felt like I was pulling my hair out due to wave after wave of negative stories. Honestly I felt like a washed out dishrag afterwards. And it got me wondering. Why is it that people find it so hard to be positive?

A few hours of google-fu later I found the answer. Apparently it’s a psychological phenomenon called negative bias. It’s a common human trait to fixate on the negative. It dates back to our stone age hunter gatherer days when we  had to constantly be vigilant for danger. Now that makes sense in a world full of predators, but it makes no sense as to why we still do it it today. We are now at the top of the food chain after all. Constant negativity today is harmful to ourselves and to the people round us. However luckily there is a way to override this genetic programming and choose a positive life much more suited and beneficial to our modern lives.

So here is my #101 guide on how to be a positive person, see if after a long week at the office you can implement some of these ideas into your life and see how much better your world can be.

Notice the good

Have you ever realised that it is easier to notice something bad than something good? For example; you might get a stream of compliments from a lover but one little less than perfect remark and that’s what you remember. (I know I have done this, Mr T is very good at pointing out when I do this). Try and notice the good things more. When you get a compliment notice it. Avidly focus on good things for 10 secs for example the sun is shining, you cats are playing. Notice the good and you will see more.

Turn the conversation around

When you can feel like you have been complaining in a conversation for a while or someone else has try and turn the conversation in a positive direction. Sometimes just asking someone if they have something they are looking forward to helps lift the mood. If in doubt try and pull a positive story from somewhere, even the last funny video on Facebook can be a great mood changer. I mean who doesn’t like cat videos right!

Choose your stimulus

What is it that you invest your time and energy on. Choosing where your stimulus and input comes from makes a huge difference in your outlook on life. 10 years ago I was watching the news and I realised how depressed and anxious it made me, the adverts inbetween tv shows bugged me and I decided to quit TV. I now haven’t had a television for 10 years and it is one of the best decisions I ever made. Of course we have Netflix and HBO and if there is something I hear about going on in the world I check it out online. The difference is I now choose what I watch and what I invite into my life. You can do this with your Facebook feed and un-follow negative feeds and yes you can do it with your social circle too. In fact that is probably one of the most important areas where you can choose your input. Surround yourself with positive people and your life will feel nicer. It’s not rocket science it’s just choice.

Slow down and enjoy your life

It’s easy to miss opportunities to be positive when you are rushing around like a headless chicken. In a fast paced world irritation runs rife. So slow down. Plan breaks and be mindful how you use and enjoy your time. Making enjoying your life the most important thing in your life will shift your focus from pessimistic to positive overnight. Don’t wait for your pension to slow down start savoring you life right now. (I mean it right now).

Sing and dance

Music has one of the most uplifting effects on our moods. If you are feeling low find a favorite tune, sing along and bop around in the kitchen. I used to find that listening to happy music on the way to work started my day so much better than just watching the other commuters on the platform. And I am pretty sure that I amused them when I forgot where I was due to the awesome music and danced a bit on the platform too!

Spread it around

Positivity breeds positivity. Think about it if you see someone smiling you smile too. Say hello to strangers, smile at the bus driver, compliment a colleague in the way they look. See if you can do at least five things to spread positivity each day. Making others feel happy makes you feel happy, it’s simply a win win situation.

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Of course there are many ways to be a positive person these are simply a few ideas to get you started. Adopting the attitude of gratitude is another powerful way to be positive which you can read about here. The most important part of being a positive person is choosing to be a positive person. You have to reprogram your genetics a little and take control. You want  positive life then you have to change your attitude to your life. However as you can see the smallest of change in your habits can and will turn you into a positive person. 

Have a happy weekend 🙂

Put your Positive pants on!.jpg

#lifelessons101- All work and no play makes jack a dull boy (2 min read)

I am a workaholic. I am. I love to be busy, creating, manifesting. The summer holidays is looming and this year Mr T and I have chosen to spend a few weeks of it at home. Two weeks at home, with no work. My mind was racing, what the heck am I going to do? How do people fill their time with nothing. To me this is an alien concept. As I work from home, means that if I sit down for five minutes I can find something that needs doing. it’s never ending. Do you know the feeling?

And then recently I was watching a Ted Talk by Shonda Rimes, an extremely successful TV producer, screenwriter and author; talking about saying yes to everything and it struck me that in all of this work I am starting to miss out on all the important things that make life worth living.

In Shonda’s talk she calls the buzz of life “The hum”. That feeling of being in the moment when we are creating and everything is flowing. It is a feeling I am lucky enough to know well. I get it whenever I am working with a client or running a workshop. The “hum” is that feeling when everything is all good, when you strive for greatness. The “hum” is your joy. It’s addictive and never ending. It can take over everything.

However according to Shonda when this feeling comes from work, this is the false “hum”. She talked about how one day her “hum” just stopped. After all we are only human and we cannot run on work alone. What happens when you stop. What are you when your “hum” stops? For Shonda she found a new hum. Not in new projects or business. She found her new “hum” in playing with her children. In the peace and simplicity of taking 15 minutes to play.

Play is the opposite of work. The old saying “All work and no play makes jack a dull boy” is true. The hum is not work specific. It joy specific. And in play we can find joy. I mean why do we ever stop playing? Playing is a place where life feels good. In a way it is a place of zen. A place for us to find our “hum” our essential self. Work is not a place which makes us who we are. When we do nothing but work we become dull. When we play, find the place where we can find our joy we shine. And I can hear your work driven brain saying “yeah, yeah but where do I find the time?” you don’t need a lot of time. 15 minutes a day to play with your kids, read a book do whatever it is that makes you you. 15 uninterrupted unadulterated minutes where all those things that need doing just slip away and the world is briefly you own and full of your joy.

Taking 15 mins a day to play, to experience joy is freeing. It releases us from the guilt of workaholica. It rejuvenates, re energises and inspires you. And giving yourself this time to breath, to be actually improves your working life. The more in touch with ourselves we are, the more grounded and stronger we become. That benefits every aspect of our lives personal, public and professional. I have now spent some time trying out this tehory and believe me it works. what I love about it is that it works for everyone. Each and everyone of us has 15 minutes we can use on our joy in our day. And when we dedicate time to our joy it is here we find our true “hum”. The true point in life where everything is flowing, in fact where everything flows from.   

To be honest these days workaholica is considered a socially acceptable way of getting ahead in the world. But so is being grounded, knowing who we are and being strongly, authentically ourselves. Taking 15 minutes a day for you and your joy Saying yes to our own joy and making that important gives us the opportunity to be authentically who we are, to become grounded in ourselves and know what our “hum” is, is in fact an important part of being a workaholic and making our way ahead in the world. After all who really wants to be dull anyway

Try it. This weekend. Connect with your joy. Put your social media, friends birthday party, house cleaning or essay writing on hold and take 15 minutes to make you happy and find your hum…

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3 steps to creating a powerful life . Part 1 Take responsibility for your life (4 min read)

It is amazing how many people today feel powerless in their own lives. Which is ironic because truly the only thing we have power over in our lives is, well us and how we shape that life. So many of us would rather blame someone else or just accept that ‘that’s they way things are’ than claim our power and shape our lives. And at the same as lying back and accepting things we like to complain about it, we are actually really good at that. And again the irony is that if we took half of the energy we use on complaining and directed it towards living a powerful life how much happier we would all be.

Living powerfully is the key to achieving your dreams not just keeping them as wouldn’t that be lover’ly wishes. YOU have within YOU the power to create your world. When you begin to live your life acknowledging your own power, your own strength you find freedom in life. It’s up to you to make that choice and decided how you want your life to be.

And you can do it. In fact you were born to be a powerful person and create a powerful life. Don’t believe me well think about this. The fact that you were born here and now, where you are, your DNA, who are your parents is by a 1 in 400 trillion chance. And you made it to here and now to being you. That is one of the most powerful things possible. You owe to yourself to live a powerful life and make the most of the opportunity you’ve u got to be you.

But how? Well there are three simple steps to living a powerful life.

  • Take responsibility for your life
  • Acknowledge your power
  • Actively live a powerful life

Over the next three weeks I will be posting about each of these steps so that you can manifest your powerful life

So the first step is to know that you create your reality:You-create-your-own-reality.__quotes-by-Jane-Roberts-68.png

This is the hardest concept to take in, however the day you begin to live this truth and take conscious control of your thoughts is the day you declare your freedom and begin your mastery of life.

It’s also the day you cease to be a victim.

James Redfield in his enlightening book the Celestine prophecies (Which if you haven’t read I highly HIGHLY recommend it) named 4 control  dramas. “The sixth insight states that childhood dramas block our ability to fully experience the mystical. All humans, because of their upbringing, tend toward one of the four “control dramas”: intimidators steal energy from others by threat. Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning. Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by acting reserved or withdrawing. And poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them.”

A whole book could be built around this teaching so here we are going to focus on the one I know affects most people in society today – the poor me, the victim.

Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why can’t I have, get, do…… you did this to me, it’s your fault that I feel so bad.  Sound familiar? We all do it. Even when you are consciously aware of it this behavioural pattern is so easy to fall into. However it’s not real. Life didn’t do this to you, your partner didn’t make you feel bad. Every situation in your life you have chosen and created. I was so mad the first time I heard this. I was angry. I didn’t create it that I grew up in discord and sometimes violence, or that I ended up living on the streets, or that I developed diabetes! How could anyone say that! I believed that all of these things happened to me, that I was the victim.

However it’s true. I did create these things. I did choose my path, I choose my rection and I am responsible for the consequences of those actions and my intentions, conscious or unconscious. It may seem unbelievable however I realised that even my diabetes I had called into my own life by the abuse I gave my body. I was unable to accept the sweetness in life because I didn’t believe that I deserved it.   Once I acknowledge I created my illness I could also begin to take responsibility to take care of myself and honour myself, thus I became powerful.

In taking responsibility for my choices I stepped out of the poor me role with the realisation that I can create my world, my life and my path.  If I had continued down that path playing the it’s unfair to poor little me role I wouldn’t be here today. As long as you think that how your reality turns out is due to someone or something else, you are still not taking 100% responsibility for the fact that YOU create your own life. If you don’t realise this You will remain in the victim role, and nothing changes that way. Victims have no power to do anything, for that is the belief they operate from. You can only change yourself, and to do that one must move into the role of Creator rather than victim. To be a clear, functional, healthy human being, always bring what is happening in your life back to you, especially whenever you think it’s about someone or something else or that it’s someone else’s fault or the universe getting at you . In that way your life operates without blame or victimization or abuse.

You have control of only one thing in your life you and your perspective. Remember,

IT’S NEVER ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON, PLACE, OR THING. IT’S ENTIRELY UP TO YOU.

There are many many ways to understand this concept. Don’t worry if you don’t get it all at once I didn’t.

One way is to think of it as that everything in this world, our human world; starts with intention. Nothing happens without intention. Everything you can see started with an idea and intention.  Your intention can create your experiences. Everything happens inside us, every experience you create. It is all of our intention, our desires that creates this workshop. I had the intention I wanted to share my learnings, you guys had an intention that you wanted to get in touch with nature, yourselves and your life. THe energy we put into the processes the work we do here and how we react to the lessons we learn creates this experiences, as do the choices we make when we leave this space.

Another way is to look at like this – you are like a computer. The computer depends upon what you type into it, and that determines what it will print out, correct? It’s the same with your life. Whatever you type into yourself – that is, whatever perceptions or beliefs YOU have put inside you, or, “programmed into your computer” – that is what will get printed out and become your life. This print out is like a script available for other people to read. They read it, and simply respond to what you have typed out, to YOUR print out.

For instance, if what you have typed into your computer is: “Oh. I’m selfish. That means I’m a bad person.” Someone will read this in your print out (your energy field) and you will create them probably saying something like this to you: “You are so selfish!! Why don’t you ever think of me? Why don’t you make me happy?!” When you change what you type into yourself, when you change the energy that is in your energy field, when you change the thoughts and beliefs and emotions that you carry around, your printout will be different. Then everyone will read that new print out and respond to it.

Remember if you CAN create the bad you CAN create the good. Dreams, words, actions and choice beget reality, you are the architect of your life.

Live your life taking responsibility for yourself and you will live your life powerfully.

Accept where you are and how you got there:

So in accepting responsibility for your life you have to accept responsibility for your past. You have to accept your previous actions :You may have made what you consider to be bad choices but these are the choices you made. You have to accept and let go of that past. IF you don’t accept you and your choices, how the heck is anyone else supposed to? So make peace with the you of your past. Tell yourself that you did your best and accept that whatever you did you did. A great way to accept an incident is to try the why did I create this exercise

‘Why did I create this?’ exercise:

Think back to something that has happened in your life. Not a good situation, not the worst experience you have ever had however choose a not great situation.

1.Write a short sentence explaining  what happened.

2.Now write why and how this happened to you, whose fault you thought it was.

Now we are going to look at your responsibility in this situation: Why and how did you create this event?

3.Write down in a  list the actions you took in this situation.

  • What choices did you make?
  • What was the outcome of these choices.

4.Now write what happened in your life after this event

  • Why was this event necessary in your life?
  • Where did it lead you to?
  1. Look again at your first description of why and how- do you agree with your first reaction or can you now see your role in this?

By looking at how you created a situation you give yourselves an opportunity to learn. Learning empowers you to grow and evolve.

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This week take the opportunity to observe how you create you life. Don’t judge just notice. By first taking the time to see how you make your world you will then see the opportunities to remake it in a more powerful way. Come back on monday to find out more about creating your powerful life by Acknowledging your power in part 2.

Have a wonderful powerful week 🙂you are the architect of your life