#Lifelessons101 -Reluctance to change – how to bust through that big old block in 6 easy steps!

We all have those things we do that we would like to change. I know I do, the list is actually quite long. And if like me you have such a list it is so easy to get into a routine of self doubt, guilt and shame around the inability to make the positive healthy changes we know would benefit us and our life. In my life the biggest most glaring item on my list is my lack of exercise. I can seriously get into my stuff on this one. The guilt spiral runs deep and it has become a huge block of beating myself up (mentally) about my inability to commit to myself, my body etc etc etc. It has got so bad that when my wonderfully supportive man Mr T tries to suggest ways in which I could easily exercise he is more likely to get his head bitten off by my impression of the tasmanian devil than receive the (rightfully deserved) gratitude he should get for his support and care. In short it’s become an issue. A lifestyle habit I want to change and yet don’t seem to be able to make that shift. Until that is until this week.

I was doing so research into new coaching techniques and I stumbled upon a fantastic video by the energetic coach Jeannine Yoder on 4 questions that really investigate the blocks behind our reluctance to change in a powerful and insightful way. The technique is built upon the premise that any behaviour INCULDING negative behavior gives a form of positive benefit and value to our lives. It’s so logical. If we didn’t get something out of the behaviour we wouldn’t keep doing it. The NLP technique she described in her video is based upon 4 questions to help you analyse your behaviour from this perspective of positive value instead of negative judgement which makes the change so much easier to make because you come from a place of wholeheartedly accepting the change. I was blown away

I immediately implemented this technique into my coaching and my own development. Especially using it to look at the mental blocks I had to exercising more in my life. I tweaked and developed the technique a little (as every coach does).  And I now have this effective and brilliant formula for handling reluctance to change and smashing through the blocks to changing out negative behaviours which can be easily applied to anything you want to change. Already through my own experiences and my clients experiences in using this techniques during this week I have been amazed at how effective it is in manifesting new habits for change in a personally created bubble of motivation and I couldn’t wait to share it with you all.

So if you want to make a change in your life and are struggling to do so here are 6 easy steps you can manifest a new behaviour that serves you and your life

Step 1:  The positive things

Ask  “ What are the positive things that this behaviour is providing for you?

Dig deep and find out what it is you get from this behaviour. I was extremely shocked when I discovered a benefit for me  of not doing exercise was that it gave me the opportunity not to fail. I did not see that one before. This thought process really helped me get clear around why I liked not to exercise.

Step 2: All the benefits

Ask “ What else do you get out of this choice? What are all the benefits?

Dig even deeper and make a list of all the benefits this behaviour gives you. Keep writing them down until you can seriously not find more. My list was challenging to drag out. It took some big self admissions and yes it hit that pile of self doubt and shame. However rather than going there I kept going motivated in the knowledge I was being proactive to resolve the dramas and challenges I had.

Step 3: Keeping benefits

Now look at that list and ask yourself “ Which of these benefits do you want to keep?

Some of these benefits are things you really don’t want to let go of. For me with the exercise I knew that I needed to keep the benefits of affordability, giving myself time, the experience of not failing and the lack of pressure on myself. Circle these benefits in your list so you can really see what is most important to you.  These are the positive needs of your habit.

Step 4: Meeting positive needs

Now ask “ In what ways can you meet each identified positive need?

This is the behaviour changing part. You now look at each positive need and workout how to fulfill that need by positive behaviour. So I had to identify a form of exercise that I could easily put into my schedule, didn’t pressure me and that I would enjoy to give me a successful experience of exercise. Make a list of ideas of all the ways you can fulfill your positive needs in a healthy and beneficial way.

Step 5:  Embracing change

Identify “ Which behaviour can you wholeheartedly embrace?

Change doesn’t happen if you don’t really want it to. You have to feel in your heart of hearts that this is right for you. So from you list of ideas circle the ones that you really feel you can wholeheartedly set into action. Follow the feeling in your stomach, if something makes you feel reluctant then don’t choose it now, it maybe that you come back to it. I had written down thai chi as a potential exercise form that might work for me however it doesn’t feel right for me yet so I have chosen this. Going for walks however is definitely an option.

Step 5: Manifestation

Lastly ask “What positive actions do I need to take to create my new habits?

The last step is simply a list of the actions and agreements you make with yourself on how to move forward and manifest your new habits. So for me putting the dates in my diary of when I want to take a walk is a step for example. Make these steps achievable and realistic. If you want to start running don’t have as the first step  say sign up for a marathon. A realistic and achievable step would be plan a route and get some running shoes. 

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As I said before these is my own interpretation of Jeannie Yoder’s NLP technique found here on youtube. My clients and I love it. It brings an objective and fresh perspective and a judgemental free system to create new and beneficial habits that serve us in our lives. I hope you enjoy this process and after you have tried it let me know in the comments the new actions you are going to be taking to make your life a better experience!

Have a happy weekend <3

Old habits won't open new doors

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#LifeLesson101 – Ways to find your self respect and be true to yourself (3 min read)

 

Happy Friday y’all 😀

This week during my miracle morning it was time to choose a new book.( I always love this part it’s exciting to think of the new teachings to come.) So I closed my eyes and let my hand fall naturally on a new book. To my disappointment it landed on the Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Macmillan. Don’t get me wrong , it’s a great book with many insights and teachings, it just wasn’t what I was hoping for. So although reluctant, I decided that the universe knows best and read it anyway.

I am so glad I did. One teaching became so apparently clear that I couldn’t ignore it.

Do you respect yourself?

And if you don’t how can you expect others to respect you?

(Although really that’s is not seriously important, your opinion of you matters the most)

This question rolled around my mind, a lot. Do I truly respect myself? I like myself, in fact, I’d go as far to say I love myself. But respect, well I had never given it proper consideration.  And then that poses the question if I don’t respect myself then how can I love myself?  And that  led to what is self respect?

What is self respect? There are so many answers to this question. Self respect is extremely personal. For me it means walking my talk and living my truth. If I put my beliefs into practise then I am truly able to respect myself.

Time to get back to the drawing board and figure out a way to create my self respect……….

Below is the process  of four steps I have been through during this week  to recover my self respect. And already I feel so much better. Already by making myself more aware of the things I need to do to respect myself, the  more I feel my belief in myself rising and my vibration changing. Now my self respect is growing and due to that I love myself even more. When you love and respect yourself life is a beautiful experience from the vibration you send out.

Decide what self respect means to you.

This is a personal definition. No answer to that question is wrong or right. Decide what is right for you.

What do I respect myself for?

One of the best processes ever. Make a list of things that you respect yourself for. Start every sentence with I respect myself for ……………………… Once you start it’s hard to stop. There is so much you have to respect yourself for so take a moment to celebrate that.

What don’t I respect myself for?

Using your definition of self respect make a new list. The what I don’t respect myself for list. Be truthful. Start every sentence with I don’t respect myself for ……………………… You will know if you are not being honest and with this honesty counts. Don’t get into your stuff about these things or allow a negative self judging spiral to start. You are doing something about these challenges now. They are in the past and it is the now you can change.

From not respecting you to respecting you

Look at the don’t respect list. For each of the points write what you can do to change this around and respect yourself for. For example I want to help the planet recover from the abuse it has suffered and yet I was eating Macdonald. (I know, don’t say it I know) So the solution was simply to choose not to eat there. Basically from positive to negative.

Do it and be kind to you

You have a plan so follow it. You know now after this process what you need to do, so do it. And be kind to you. It’s ok if you don’t manage to make the changes all at once. Allow yourself to notice if you fall off the bandwagon. Notice let it go and then do you best to hold to your resolutions and create the new habits you are forming.

 

Take a journey of discovery this week and improve your self respect, it will I promise lead to some fantastic and rich insights that will make you more conscious of your life and much, much happier every day.  After all if you are being true to yourself then the rest is just icing on the cake….mmmm cake!

Happy Friday 🙂

true-to-your-self

5 simple ways to start communicating positively. (4 min read)

 

Positive communication. That phrase gets thrown around a lot these days. Does it really make a difference in our lives? Well in my opinion yes, it really does. Words are one of the most powerful things man has ever created. Words are powerful wether words of love or war, of learning or abuse. Words (in my not very humble opinion) create at least 90% of the man made world and a 100% of our society. If you are awares of the law of vibration or the butterfly effect and relate that to words, then it is easy to see how words of negativity or positivity make a great a difference on our planet.

Internally positive communication also makes a big difference. We all know if we are negative with ourselves, our self esteem lowers. Life seems harder and more difficult to enjoy. However with positive thoughts the world is beautiful and so are we.  Some consider constant positivity as fake. Well in a way it partly is. After all life is not sunshine, rainbows and peachy all of the time. (Thank goodness or we wouldn’t have opportunities to grow). The old fake it till you make principle does have to be applied to shift behaviour. However it is not fake to want to see and experience the best in life and change your language to reflect that. The bottom line is positive communication makes life more pleasant ,whether that is at work, at home or inside our heads.

Here are 5 simple  things you can do to start using positive communication today.

Accept that your brain is stupid

Seriously it is. All of us have a dumb brain. even Mr Stephan Hawkins and the like. How on earth is that a positive thing? Well because the brain is so dumb it believes whatever you tell it. Physocological research has discovered that if you tell your brain something 5 times you belive it. The familiar = truth. Easy to understand = truth. So short and sweet affirmations e.g  I love you, thank you for my life, and today is going to be a great day. Tell yourself NO loudly whenever your mind is trying to be negative make more of impact than prolonged debate in your head.

Take the power back

We all do it. We all can let our thoughts rule us. And why? We are the choreographers of our life. Who made that negative voice in your head the expert? No-one. So the next time it tries to tell you that you are not good enough to get that promotion, remember his voice has never been a CEO. And after that reverse the negative thought to a positive thought and take back the power inside of you!

Listen

I mean it. Really listen. 45% of our communication is actually listening. In HAvamal an ancient Viking text offering advice for life it says (something like) the wisest of men are the most silent and do not waste words. So make mental summaries of the conversation as you listen. Take an interest in the subject in discussion, make sure that the other person has finished talking before you answer or comment, as well  give a well thought out answer. Even if you have to ask the other person to wait a moment while you give time to that answer. Remember it is actually okay to be silent too, sometimes other people just need to talk.

Be conscious of the language you use

Choose your words carefully. So often we speak negatively without noticing. Be conscious in how you use your language. For example instead of joining two sentences with a ‘but’, join them with an ‘and’ or ‘however’. But is a word our minds associate with an excuse, the other two words with taking responsibility, action and possibility. Another one I like to use is the word challenge instead of issue or problem. I use this so much I find that I sometimes flinch when others say these words. Making a problem into a challenge creates the mental image of something one can solve and overcome.  And instead of saying you will try, say you will do your best, after all no-one can expect more from you.

Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.

You know the situation. Sitting at the dinner table talking to your partner. Their response is blithe or even sometimes harsh. Internally we feel hurt. We assume that it was their intention to hurt us. We come from a place of upset as we talk, the conversation digresses and an argument ensues. The poor confused partner has no idea what is happening and of course responds to the “unwarranted attack”. A recipe for a horrid evening. Assumption is seriously the mother of all fuck ups. Well instead of assuming ask. Say out loud the inner dialogue. Ask “Did you mean to say that in a hurtful way?” If your partner is anything like Mr T the response is usually something like “Oh no sorry. I was thinking about fish/ minecraft/a new bb gun” !

This works at home or at work. Take charge of the emotional response and allow yourself to ask if the situation really is how you read it.

And to help you remember it all ……….

Every day I read Gandhi’s statement about positivity. (Actually I can’t help but read it, it hangs opposite my toilet!)

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Everyday Gandhi reminds me to be concious in my thoughts, words  and deeds because they truely are the most powerful things I can offer to the world.

Positive communication takes dedication and concious practice at the beginning. Once you begin to use it daily,it does become easier and automatic. After all the brain (not you)  is stupid and it will believe whatever you choose to tell it. You just have to decide if you want to tell it something positive or something negative !

silence.jpg

#lifelessons101 – We have all we need inside to create a beautiful life for ourselves and make the world a better place. (With Bruce Almighty, seriously!)

 (This friday includes Life lessons from five people- some of whom you wouldn’t expect to be teachers!)

nothing-changes-unless-you-change

It’s been a busy week. My first full week back at uni college since, well since the dark ages. My head is full of analysing danish literature, newspapers and trying to keep up with the written work in a foreign language. In reality I am exhausted.  (So please excuse the rambling nature of this post – stick to the end I promise it will be worth it!)

Now with all of this I have still been looking forward to the beautiful time of autumn equinox, when the sun and moon, day and night balance. This is the time when the seasons turn and we step into the full beauty of autumn. I can see it around me. The leaves are green and brown. The land golden and green. Around me the world is in the midst of change.

Change. A scary but essential and absolute fact of life. Everything changes. Constantly. A long time I used to think that change was awful. It made me feel unsafe. However that was in the time before I began to understand that I am actually the choreographer of my life. For me this understanding has come in stages in fact a new teaching/reminder came just last night from where? The universe? (Well yes, but not exactly.) It came from Bruce Almighty!

Bruce reminded me of the point of understanding I have reached to make change my friend.  I  now understand and accept that I have everything I need to make any change I need or want in my life. In fact I have the power to do anything I want to do. I am the co creator of my life, Me and the universe dancing together.

When I started to think about how I learnt this it surprised me and I think it will surprise you to see who the main five people are that have made me so happily aware of my own power!

 

Lesson number 1: Michael Jackson. Flash back to the 80s and there am I sitting in my room with my, oh so cool white stereo, playing a new album (On cassette, we dinosaurs did not have cds or mp3s or spotify!) by Michael Jackson. Blaring out across my the room was “ The man in the mirror” again and again. If you have never heard this song then go listen. The only bit I can  ever remember is the chorus,

I’m Starting With The Man In

The Mirror

I’m Asking Him To Change

His Ways

And No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

Take A Look At Yourself, And

Then Make A Change

 

Even today it still gives me goose bumps. Now whatever your opinion is of Jacko, in these words he is unquestionably right. A certainty of life is that you have the power to completely change only one thing in this world. And that’s you. And from  the ripples of that change, the world around us changes.

Lesson number 2 : Ghandi. How could it not be, right? The immortal words “Be the change you want to see”. By changing us we reflect out into the world.  Showing it the way we want it to be. At first I took this mantra in relation to environmental protesting. E.g. How could I protest about human abuse of the Earth if I didn’t recycle. I still believe this to be true and do my best to live in a truthful and authentic way. But as the years have gone on I have understood the message much more internally. If I want the world to be a more beautiful place then it’s me that has to change my reaction to whatever life sends me.

Lesson 3: Buddah. Of course he was going to be in here. My A-level English teacher taught me one thing that has stayed with me for the rest of my life. (Well he taught me two things but don’t get me started on why Australian people should not analyse Chaucer and compare him with Freud. We will be here all day.) He taught me the story of how Buddha chose not to accept the gift of negativity. One day I will post up the story and link this article to it. But for now the message is that Buddha could have chosen to be angry or to not be affected by another person and he chose the latter.

Lesson 4: Jim Carey. I know Jim is not the first person that pops into mind when you say inspirational people changing my life (neither is Michael Jackson . I digress. You hopefully get my point). But Jim is inspirational for me. HAve you ever heard Jim speak about the law of attraction? If not do, university youtube means you can see this all night. At one event  Jim asks “ Are you aware that all of this is happening inside of you?” His speech was about intention and how through our attention we are the creators of our own experiences and our own lives. If we consciously react to a situation it is us that makes it good or bad. For example by missing the bus and having to walk to a destination to be on time is taken as a bad thing ,then believe me it’s going to be a bad walk. But if you choose to be grateful for the experience, notice the scenery and even discover a new route, then that journey will be fun and enlightening. It’s up to you how you create it.

And the ultimate, ultimate lesson which lead me to the best peace of mind I have ever known and wish I could share with the whole world, every single day. The last piece of the jigsaw which makes all change and life so very much easier. Well that I found out through a long, long journey but last night I got reminded of it again. As promised….

Lesson 5: Bruce Almighty. God and Bruce are talking in two different scenes. In the first  God is asked how he can permit all the suffering in the world God, the amazing Morgan Freeman; replies ”I don’t permit the suffering. You do. Free will. All the choices are yours.” It really is that simple. We have the choice. But the other scene? Now that really hammered it home to me . Again God and Bruce are talking I can’t remember or find the exact quote but it goes something like this. Bruce asks God what if he needs help? And God points out the problem with people is that they are always looking up for help when the solution lies within us. We have the power within us to solve any problem, create any change, survive any change, enjoy our lives, hate our lives and achieve anything we can dream.

 

Now , I know its tough. Butwhen you realise the amazing tool kit  you have inside of you. Understandings passed down the generations in your DNA. The achievements you have made and the disappointments you have survived. The teachings life has given you, even when the lesson comes from the most bizarre of sources. You will see that you have everything, no  you have so more than everything you need within you to make a wonderful life for yourself . And at the same time  you can also make the world a more beautiful place. 

(And next time you forget it turn to Jacko to remind you !! Have a fantastic weekend!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivWY9wn5ps

 

#lifelessons101- Life loves me, and it loves you too.

I have been thinking long and hard about what to write to you this friday. So much has happened in this last week. So many life lessons have been popping up. I have been learning about the gifts of apology, how to balance my life and my work.  I also started college again – believe me at 38, in a foreign country and in a foreign language this is a real challenge. However none of these lessons are complete enough for me to feel comfortable writing about them to you. (They’ll be here at some point so keep your eyes peeled).

And then this morning a burst of inspiration came. Still glowing from the beautiful morning serenade Mr T gave me as I caught the bus, (seriously how can I not love this guy) I opened the current book I am reading, “Life loves you” by Robert Holden and Louise Hay. And I realised this is what I want to share with you today. Life loves you.

Now saying that life loves me (and you) is easy to say and hard to believe. However as I have been sitting the last few weeks,  in my beautiful new home, writing my daily gratitude list, it has been impossible to not notice the abundance and love in my life. I am truly happy and truly blessed. I feel at peace with myself.

It has been a long journey. Only two and a half years ago, I was sitting on my bed, scrolling through my telephone book, knowing I needed help and not knowing who to ask. At that point I wanted to end my life and look at me now. The transition has been painful, beautiful and a gift.

And it is a continuous and constant process. This book reitterates for me all that I have learnt. Just reading the title inspired me. “Life loves me” Well yes, yes it does. How could it not. ”Life loves you”. How could it not.  We are part of life, part of the universe and although it’s not always easy to love yourself, I doubt very much the universe created us just to hate us. It’s illogical. This journey of loving myself is a wonderful gift. Certain daily practices have helped so much and it’s these I want to share with you today.

4 Steps to guide you to love you

Pictures of you

Now you might have seen the recent trend on Facebook . You have to  post five pictures of you that you most love. I am happy to say I did this long before Facebook (although I am glad it’s finally starting to be out there for everyone). I found 5 physical photos of me that I love. Photos that reminded me of happy times, times that I was truly shining and being my authentic self. I wrote the reasons why I love me at these times. Then looking at the photos I chose three of them that represented times where I am most proud of me and wrote this on the photos as well. Now those pictures hang in my room reminding me every day why I love me.

The greatest part about this journey is that you will actually find more than 5 photos you love and more than 3 things you are proud of. In fat if you come from a place where you don’t love and appreciate you, this experience gives you so many reminders of how beautiful and strong you really are.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude

I know I bang on about this all the time but gratitude is really the best way to appreciate your life, the people in  your life and the world around you. Gratitude also brings you into the now.

Often (as Lousie Hay points out in Life Loves you) we expect to be abundant and loved in the future. But the future becomes today and you are abundant and loveable right now. By being grateful for what you have you see the proof of how valued you are within the universe. How much it loves you and how much you love your life. When you love your life it is not a challenge to love yourself.

Daily affirmations

I love how our bodies work. If we tell ourselves something often enough we believe it. Affirmations are a fantabulous way of doing this. Around my home are many beautiful quotes and pictures reminding me and Mr T how wonderful we are. My favourite is on my bathroom door, (actually my bathroom has the most affirmations on the wall than any other room in our house!) It simply states. If anyone has not told you today, you are magical, beautiful and you can’t achieve anything you want to achieve.

One of the most effective ways of using affirmations is mirror work. Louise (or is it Robert? Hmm can’t remember ergo not important), suggests that you stand in front of your mirror everyday and tell yourself “I love you”. At first this  seems a real challenge. However once it becomes part of your daily ritual the easier it comes to you and the more believable it is. On our mirror is a little homemade sign which reads “I love you” every day when I see it I find myself  blowing  kisses to myself. It sounds foolish, well it is and I like it!

Ten points

On of the teachings in the book is the ten points. This is built up around the affirmation

“Life loves me and I am blessed”

Around your house put ten reminder marks. They can be stickers, something you will see. Every time you see one say the affirmation aloud. It inspires and brings an inner glow every time. Sometimes these days when I see it I say the affirmation and my inner child shouts out “I KNOW” and it’s true. I really do know that Life loves me and I am truly blessed.

So make your window a magical love affair with yourself because once you begin to realise how beautiful, how loveable you are, the world is an even more beautiful place.
Have a wonderful weekend <3

 

lifelovesyou

 

#Life lesson 101 – Want not need

 

Mr T is brilliant. No seriously he is. Two nights ago over dinner I was complaining that I was running out of inspiration on what to write on my blog and he came up with this brilliant suggestion. “Why not write about the life lessons you get as you have them”.  Perfect. I had been getting into a frenzy of how can I give advice and what to write about and I forgot the most important rule of writing – write about what you know.

Well as it tends to the universe responded to my renewed desire to learn and the very next day sent me a life lesson 101. It was so refreshing and energising that I felt inspired to share it straight away.

Think about what you want and not what you need.

Let me put this into context for you. I have been stressed out because I want to run 3 workshop programs this year and so far no-one has joined up (well not for the paying places, the free places are completely booked). I had been coming from a place of need. I need these customers to make this work financially, I need to make x amount to make this financially viable. So in need of inspiration I turned to the internet for advice and low and behold it presented me with a three part workshop about Using the law of Attraction to attract your ideal clients by the lovely Debbie Talbert. It was brilliant. Debbie’s words inspired me to  remember that need comes from a place of desperation. The universe gives what it hears and desperation is not a vibration you want to carry around with you (trust me on that one).

Whilst completing the webinar workshops I refocused my attention to attracting the kind of clients I want to work with, the working life I want to create. I was reminded of how when we get clear about what we want it gives the universe a clear message of what to give us. And when we allow it to give, it does. It also reminded me that two thoughts could not occupy the same space at the same time. So I need to convert my script to the positive in order to attract the positive, to focus on abundance and not lack.

The whole experience just reminded me of how powerful the universe and conscious living  is.  If you have been in a similar situation of desperation try this simple exercise to turn your thoughts to want not need and feel the energetic shift as you immediately identify what it is you want and the clarity that arrives on how to get there. Basically it’s a thought shifting process turning the negative into the positive, what you don’t want to what you do want.

Divide a piece of paper into two columns. One is “What I don’t like” the other is “What I do like”. Think about the situation or challenge you need to resolve. e.g I wanted to attract the ideal customer so I had to define who that is.

Now write a list of at least 10 things starting with the sentence “I don’t like”.

e.g I wrote I don’t like time wasters, I don’t like people who disrespect me by wanting my services for free.

Once completed turn each statement into a positive starting with the phrase “I do like”and physically cross out the negative statement.

I converted my sentences too: I like motivated focused people. I like people who respect me and want to pay for my services.

Now the important part. Read your positive list allowed. It is amazing how positive it can make you feel when you have turned these negative thoughts around to positive thoughts. Remind yourself that you are in the process of attracting all you do, know or have to manifest what you want in your life and that the universe is unfolding in a way to create this for you.

Now trust and do something else! Seriously take your mind off it and do something else. You should feel lighter, happier and a step closer to your goal or solving your challenge.

Now watch the universe unfold and provide you with what you wanted and be grateful. Remember when we give gratitude the universe just keeps providing us things to be grateful for.
Have a wonderful day 🙂

 

sometimes you need to look fro a different perspective

Time is our most important possession

“I’m late, I’m late for

A very important date.

No time to say hello, good-bye,

I’m late, I’m late, I’m late”  Lewis Carroll/Walt Disney Films

When Alice fell down the rabbit hole, in Lewis Carroll’s ageless children’s story; she meets the white rabbit who spends his time rushing from one appointment to another, constantly running late with no time for the niceties of life. In a way we all know or are this white rabbit. With all the pressures of deadlines, meetings, economy, answering emails, not to mention social events, families, parents evening, the dentist, playdates, facebook updates and so on, it is easy to see why “Time-poverty” has become an everyday issue in the western world. Like the white rabbit many people feel rushed off their feet with no time in their life.  

“I’m late and when I wave,

I lose the time I save.”

Poor old rabbit is obsessed with time as is modern man. Time means money. Therefore we are all obsessed with saving time, doing things in time and using time productively. I know I personally became incredibly bitter about not having time to do the things I wanted to do at a period in my life where I had a daily 5 hour commute and a family to cook, clean and wash clothes for (not to mention all the little extra time stealing jobs like potty training). I became lack of time obsessed. The bitterness and resentment simply added to my stress and made me hell to live with.

So what’s the solution? Part of this is simply beginning to accept that there is enough time to do what you want to do. After all our actions are born of our own choices. Accept that there is enough time. “Fine!” I hear you say “But what about all the deadlines and appointments I have ? They aren’t going away!” Of course not. Acceptance is not a magic wand, it won’t wave away everything that needs to be done. However what will help you is to start using your time consciously. Your time is one of your most important possessions. By taking control of your time you take control of choosing how you want to spend your time, in essence you choose how you want your life to be.

Here is my recipe for taking control of your time and showing yourself that you value yourself by how you choose to use your time. These simple steps turned me from an embittered time miser to the person with an abundance of time I am today.

Acceptance

Accepting there is enough time is a challenge. (Believe me this one took me awhile) It’s about changing the dialogue in your mind. If you tell yourself you don’t have enough time you won’t have enough time. In a way you are right, none of us has unlimited time, however we have the time we have. You have all the time you need to do what you choose to do.

So to accept change your inner dialogue. Every time the stressed bunny pops up into your head, screaming that you don’t have enough time, repeat this mantra in your head and eventually the stress bunny will disappear down the rabbit hole for good.

I have all the time I need to do what I choose to do.

or

I have the time I have

3 list system

By now you all know how I love my lists. I actually use a three list system and it works. I have a notebook within which I write down everything I want to do in that month and that includes the fun stuff too. Then each week I check in with that list cross of what I have achieved and then make a list of what I want to do for the next week. Each morning I use that week list to help me plan my day. AND I remember to make at least 30 mins of ME time every day-very important and not to be sniffed at.

Some people recommend making daily lists in the morning, some on the evening before. I recommend what works for you. The best part is the feeling of self satisfaction you get from crossing off the things you have completed!

Oh and remember the 70% rule. A day where you have accomplished 70% of what you wanted to do is a HUGE success. Remember you have the time you have.

ABCDE Prioritising

I found this system in the book Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy, it works. So once you have your plan for the day write ABCD or E next to the goal.

“A” is for “very important;” something you must do.

“B” is  for “important;” something you should do. This is not as important as your ‘A’ goals..

“C” stands for things that are “nice to do;” but which are not really as important as ‘A’ or ‘B,’ goals.

“D” stands for “delegate. If someone else can do it then delegate.

“E” stands for “eliminate, if possible. This is the least important thing for this day. Although make sure this is not the fun thing or the you time in this day. You time is equally as important as a deadline or helping little Johnny make his macaroni T-rex sculpture for science day.)

Repetition and Structure

Structure helps us all. I fought this for a long time, even after I got a  sickness for life that demands structure. What I didn’t realise is that structure actually gives freedom. When I know what I am doing for the week I can choose to go to a late movie or a bottle of wine or two dinner, because I know when it’s the best time for me to do it.

For me the best way of structuring is repetition. For example Mr T and I eat the same dinner 4-5 nights a week. We only have to cook it once and then reheat it. The other days we take it in turns to make something nice. I tend to write at the same times every day and give myself only 1 hour at a time. Bedtime is the same 5 times a week. I even once read about a successful CO that wore the same clothes everyday (hopefully fresh versions of the same clothes otherwise ewww!) However you choose to do it find some ways to make repetition in your life. These repeated habits become automatic and easy. It frees up so much time.

Decide what kind of day you want

I found this wonderful tip online (I am afraid I can’t remember who and where I found it or of course I would credit you). In the morning, maybe whilst making your daily list or eating your breakfast, decide how you want to feel this evening when you sit down to dinner. What do you want to feel good about? And that is simply the most important goal of the day. Whatever it is, however you imagine it go for that. After all it’s your time, choose how you want to spend it.

So to recap to take control of your time-poverty;

  • Accept you have the time you have
  • Make lists and plan your day
  • Prioritise your goals with ABCDE
  • Decide what kind of day you want to have

Take steps to consciously be in charge of your time and show yourself how much you value you by taking care of your most precious possession.
Have a lovely day, however you choose to spend it 🙂

Nature does not hurry

Letting go, giving space to grow

If the old doesnt go

Today is a hard day. Today I am leaving the best workplace I have ever had to move to a completely new area, to take an education in a foreign language, to move together with Mr T and to start to go it alone and make dreams a reality. Everything in my future looks shiny and full of possibilities however to make this decision has been one of the hardest experiences of my life.

There is an old Chinese saying “If the old doesn’t go, the new cannot come.” And it’s true letting go is a positive action in your life. It’s easy to see this in nature, when the old plants are cleared the new shoots can come through the earth. When we think of letting go it can often create pictures in our mind of crisis situations which force us to let go such as a relationship breakdown. However letting go is also relevant to following our dreams and making positive changes in our lives.

It can be a challenge to break the mould, to step away from the security of the life we know. If you are in this position where you want to make a change in your life here are some ways to approach the decision making process.

Positive / Negative life list

I know I am the queen of lists, however i find when I write out my thoughts my head is clearer and I can better focus on solutions. So have a look at your current life. What has a positive impact on you? What has a negative impact? Be critical and harsh. This is your life, only you can create the life you want so be honest with yourself.

World without money?

Ask yourself if there was no such thing in the world as money or if money was not important, what would you like to do? See this clearly in your mind. This the life you want to create.

What will you gain?

Look at what would you gain from living your dream life. This is usually the easiest part.

Compare

Compare your dream, the bonuses you will gain with your current life situation written in your positive / negative list. This should give you a very clear picture of what you need to remove from your life. Anything that doesn’t help you create your dream life you need to let go of. And that can be from both sides of your list.

Accept

If you truly want to create your dream life you need to accept that you will have to let things go. Cue Elsa from Disney’s Frozen, and yes i highly recommend playing this loudly whenever you feel the desire to return to comfortable patterns of behavior. Our natural reaction to change is to hide in the comfortable life we know, even when it is obvious this habit doesn’t serve us. Remember by accepting and letting go you are saying to the universe I want a better life. I am making space for something better for me. When we ask the universe and act upon our true desires it will respond.

Fears

Oh the enemy it will rear it’s ugly head, again and again and again. It is scary instigating change in our lives. Change does trigger our fight or flight mechanism and fill the body with adrenaline and limiting thoughts. Your brain will believe what you tell it so don’t let your fears take over. If it gets too much bring in the support, call your best friend, your parent and tell them I need to hear that I can do this, can you help. You are not alone in making this change of letting go what doesn’t serve you. Your actions ripple out and affect the people in our lives, so include them in the process and beat those fears into insignificance.

Make a plan

Yes, Yes I know, I love plans. They make life easier. And the feeling of success when crossing off an action gives a great sense of achievement. For me plans make things easy. I write the steps, I follow the steps, I hit an unexpected process so I evaluate the change in the plan and move on. Plans keep you focused. I am a visual person so I make a vision board (in fact I make one every year). Each day I can look at my vision and it reminds me of the reality I am creating and how much closer I am every day. And in this planning process, most importantly; remember to give time to you. Change takes time to become a comfortable process, allow time for this.

Riding the storm

Storms come and storms pass. Personally I love riding the storms in my life, even though they are sometimes painful processes. I usually find that as an element of chaos comes into my life or the feeling of this is never going to work, firstly it motivates me to try harder. And at the same time a storm usually means I am closer to my goal than I ever was before. After all if you think how fragile a plant shoot is it takes a heck of a lot of effort for it to break through the topsoil and grow towards the sun. Use a storm as a motivation and remember when it is over that the world and your life is usually fresh and light again.

Enjoy the journey

This is fun! This you creating the life you want, enjoy it. Don’t just focus on the goals focus on the journey. Life’s a journey. If we focused on our end purpose we would simply be focusing on our own death. Well that’s a happy prospect. Although you are working towards a goal remember that the process of attaining that goal is also part of gaining that goal. Enjoy your achievements, note the lessons you learn and be in the now. Letting go brings the new into your space, by being in the now you are conscious of this and can enjoy it even more.

 

So let go what doesn’t serve you, clear the debris in your life to grow something new and enjoy the journey of creating your dream life 🙂

And when you need to remember that letting go helps remember to turn to Elsa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk

 

Change is just another word for adventure

changes gives you the oppertunity to grow

Change happens around us every day. We all go through life changes puberty, marriage, old age. In natural world the process of the seasons transitioning is much quicker than the natural changes is in our lives. Conscious change(when we know it is happening), can be one of the scariest processes of all. Conscious change can often be unexpected and a sharp jolt in the journey in our lives such as a death, a relationship breakup or even losing our jobs. Or it can be planned a wedding, a pregnancy or moving home. No matter how conscious change comes whether seen as positive or negative, our natural reaction comes with fear and anxiety and often stress.

In 6 days I am making one of the biggest changes in my life. I am moving away for the life I have created for myself over six years in Copenhagen and moving to Jutland to begin living with my boyfriend of two years, the wonderful Mr T. Now although this is a happy moment in my life and one I have dreamed of for, well two years; I am shocked at the amount of fear and anxiety I am feeling. As always I want to understand and work with these feelings to grow from them. So over to my favorite resource google and in my research I have found it is actually a perfectly normal reaction to life changes, no matter how pleasant they may be. (Yey! I am normal not an emotional overreacting wreck losing sight of perspective and sanity!)

Biologically when we face change our bodies get into fight or flight mode. Chemicals and hormones and adrenaline start to race around the body and we stand in the middle like a rabbit in the headlights. The body can’t actually differentiate between physical threat and the stress of change. Great, and I thought I was just concerned about being packed on time and having enough space on the trailer.

Fortunately there are ways of coping with change in a positive way. Here are …….tips I have found to help me and you cope with changes in ours lives.

Acceptance

It’s ok to feel afraid, anxious or stressed don’t beat yourself up about it. Remind yourself this is a natural reaction to the change in your life.

Identify your fears and feelings

Write a list of your fears and feelings. When you identify what your challenges are you will be able to see where you can resolve some of these things and where you have to accept them. I have used part of the serenity prayer to help me with this process.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Find the opportunities to grow

Every change creates new opportunity to grow. Sometimes it is hard to see but the loss of a family member can bring a family closer, the loss of a job the oppertunity to find something better for you. Think back over the major changes in your life. How did these changes give you opportunity to do something positive in your life? Again make a list of all the opportunities this change will create for you. Remember this big change is just a phase of transition and you will find a rhythm in your life again.

Make a plan

Of course this is not always applicable . If it is applicable make a plan of how you will respond to this change. For me I found this list was actually much bigger than I expected and really helped me feel positive about the coming change.

Use your support network

It is ok to ask for help, to talk through your fears with your family and friends or even if you feel comfortable within a help forum. If you are moving there are so many ways to keep contact with loved ones email, phone, Facebook or even the old fashioned letter. If you need help it is a good idea to try and identify how you need help. For example I have asked Mr T to be especially romantic and loving this week to remind me how lovely it will be together forever.

Do what makes you feel happy

If exercise is your thing then do that, drawing do that. It’s good to relax although when fears are getting the better of us it’s good to relax in a busy way. Don’t forget to watch your favorite films and at this time yes it’s its ok to eat some of your favorite comfort foods too!

Reaffirm to you that this is a positive experience

Affirmations are a fantastic way of tricking the brain into a new thinking pattern Every time your brain tries to go into your fears tell it NO. Then fill your brain with a positive affirmation. You can use the following or create your own, and keep it simple

“I can do this”

“Everything will be alright”

“All is well in my life”  

“I am willing to change and grow”

If you find it challenging to say an affirmation I find it helps to pick my favorite to print out and put up at home or use it as a screensaver.

Remember that the nervousness won’t go completely away, however I found that by using these steps it does help the nauseous feeling in your stomach turn into butterflies and now I am feeling excited about the coming change in my life . After all change is just another word for adventure…….