Recently whilst revisiting teachings on self love my inner child hopped up in a vulnerable and delicate state. She was not happy and desperately needed some comfort and I had no idea why. I had no idea how to talk with her or how to help. In desperation I did some google-fu and searched for help. How to connect with your inner child? Surprisingly although there was a lot of articles out there about this very few of them contained practical advice about what I could actually do. Lots advice on how to love your inner child but nothing about how to talk to them. Nothing about actually getting to the root of the challenges. Nothing I could use practically.(And if you are a regular here you know that practical application something I love to do)
Thankfully years of google-fu training has taught me persistence as an art form and eventually I managed to find Dr Jane Bolton with some great ideas on how to dialogue with your inner child and WOW was it powerful. The methods worked I means really really worked. I got in touch with stuff that I never even knew I had felt. And quickly. So today I really want to share this experience with you. Please remember to give yourself plenty of time to do this where you won’t be interrupted, getting in touch with your little you can release floodgates of emotions that have been needing to get out of you for a long long time. Connecting with him or her is special and precious and needs to be treated as such. Also remember to have fun with your inner child. Yes there is a lot of deep work to do with them but being happy and playing with your inner child is also a form of deep work and healing.
So here is my interpretation of Dr Jane’s 101 how to dialogue with your inner child –
Firstly remember that this is a two way process. You don’t get to be the adult boss here and talk on your inner child, it’s possibly one of the experiences you really didn’t like as a child so there is no reason to repeat it. So it’s dialogue with, not talk to.
Privacy and props
Make sure you are alone and likely to be able to be alone for as long as your need. Gather with you paper, pens, (drawing paper for me was a must) and a cuddly toy to represent your inner child. Plus a picture of you as a child and as an adult.
Make yourself cosy. Put the pictures of you where you can see them. And sit opposite the teddy you. Now with your dominant hand as your adult write to your inner child. When you write your reply use your non dominant hand to (represent your inner child).
Keep it simple. Children don’t do complicated grown up language. Your inner child will be shy. Introduce yourself and ask them how old they are. Ask how they are feeling, why do they feel like that. Make friends with them and allow them through this conversation to become trusting of you. If they are sad as them if they would like a hug and if they want one hug the teddy. Reassure them that you love them just as they are. Explain to them that you are the same person you are just all grown up now. As you write you can ask your questions out loud or just on the paper, it’s up to you.
Reassure your inner child that you will still love him/her no matter what is said. Allow you inner child to feel what they are feeling first. Don’t plug the emotions but allow them to express them, even if these feelings are false beliefs. Release is an important part of healing. Explore the beliefs behind these feelings. And once the pain subsides explain to them how the false beliefs about themselves are not true. Together find out how you can make your inner child feel loved
Afterwards if they are sad or not ask them what would make them feel better or what would they like to do now. My inner child wanted to draw so we did that together. Me drawing as the adult with my dominant (right) hand and her with my non dominant (left) hand. But maybe your inner child will want to do something else like swing, climb or play football. Let them do whatever it is they need to feel better. You need to be in your nurturing adult role.
Dialoguing and healing with your inner child is an incredibly powerful experience. You may feel a little vulnerable afterwards, that’s OK, it’s normal. This is not something that is a one off experience. Your inner child is part of the intrinsic fabric of you and the core of most dis harmonies in your adult life, once you can get there, understand and accept the core then both you and your inner child are going to blossom and enjoy life so much more. For more ideas on how to enjoy life with your inner child check out my post Set your inner child free this weekend!
My little me is not healed but she is happier and currently trying to convince me to have more pink in my life. This is the only thing we disagree on!
Have fun dialoguing with your inner child this weekend – let me know how it goes
Until next time enjoy your journey <3